THE WAND OF SILENCE
by
Barry Van-Asten
by
Barry Van-Asten
Excerpts from the Magickal Diaries
PART TWO
‘To Know, to Dare, to Will, to keep Silent, are the
four words of the magus, inscribed upon the four
symbolic forms of the Sphinx.
To command the elements, we must have overcome
their hurricanes, their lightning’s, their abysses, their
tempests . In order to Dare we must Know; in order
to Will we must Dare; we must Will to possess empire,
and to reign we must Be Silent’.
The Ritual of Transcendent Magic,
E. Levi. pp. 30, 190.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
THE OPENING OF THE TEMPLE
Sunday 15th May 1994: LBR. (Lesser banishing Rituals of the Pentagram and Hexagram, performed daily). Within the Temple (1) [O=O]: Hierus, Kerux, Stolistes, Dadouchos (Pillars of Severity and Mercy). 02.50 a.m. Hegemon (triad) – Veil of Nephtys and the Veil of Isis – Hierophant, the Banner of the East and the West. Malkuth (Pillars of Netzach and Hod) and Yesod – the triad. I went through the preliminaries twice:
Kerux: ‘Hekas, Hekas, este Bebeloi...’
Hierophant: asks if the Hall of Nephtys is properly guarded.
Kerux: answers and salutes (Enterer) etc...
03.25 a.m. ‘Hear thou the voice of the Nada!’ In my right ear, my head was bowed onto my chest. A single thunder-clap which continued for some minutes while the left ear captured the sound of a tinkling bell, as if afar, yet deep within!
03.35 a.m. Ida and Pingala: Puraka= 5, Kumbhaka= 5, Rechaka= 5. Pingala a little blocked so ended at 03.43 a.m. and the whole exercise finished at 03.45 a.m. Duration: Asana: 55 minutes. Ida and Pingala: 8 minutes (in asana).
The Temple in the Neophyte [O=O] Ceremony
Tuesday 17th May. LBR. 02.55 a.m. T. (Temple) O=O Hierus guards the hither side of the portal. The Hierophant makes the sign of the Enterer, to the West.
Wednesday 18th May. LBR. 02.35 a.m. T. O=O Hierophant in the sign of the Enterer, questions Hierus:
Hierus: ‘Breath is the evidence of life’. The work ended at 03.00 a.m.
03.05 a.m. R.C. (Rosy Cross) in Tiphereth. Very strong, I counted two breaks only. The White Cross and the Red Rose became a large table around which were seated the Secret Chiefs of the Vault of the Adepts. A small cross stood in a golden shaft of light (Tiphereth) and there was a larger white cross where I was standing, at its base, enflamed in prayer.
I later had a dream in which I was in a park attending some festival and looking across the lake I saw a glowing disc in the sky with a beam of light directed towards the ground, into the trees. A person I was with suggested we go into the light but I said no and clung to the base of a tree – The object and the light were bright gold (an aspect of Tiphereth) and the tree reflected the form of the cross where I stood also at the base in the previous R.C. vision. But it was only a dream and I could have unconsciously influenced it with the sphere of Tiphereth.
Thursday 19th May. LBR. 01.55 a.m. Reading fourth section of the Golden Dawn by Regardie till 02.15 a.m.
02.15 a.m. T. O=O West: Hierus explains the three lesser officers. The Hierophant asks the Dadouchos (South) his station and duty, and he replies: ‘To consecrate the Hall of the Fraters and Sorores, and the candidate with fire’.
02.35 a.m. R.C. in Ajna. Very good, I received a vision Iesous Christos suffering on the cross with his crown, but it was not a crown of thorns, but a crown of Roses, and there were tears of blood. The cross was also seen escaping from my Ajna and rising into the air – I raised my arms as in the sign of Apophis and Typhon and held onto the cross, which continued to rise and draw me forth into the heavens...
Saturday 21st May. LBR. 02.15 a.m. T. O=O the Hierophant asks the Stolistes his station and duty. Stolistes (North) symbolises cold and moisture and he takes care of the robes and insignia and purifies with water.
07.00 a.m. Fabric Vision: I was in a room, a very old room which was filled with light. I seemed to be conscious of actually being in another room, as if my eyes were open, physically, but of course they were not. I instructed myself to wake at exactly 08.13 a.m. and did so to the minute without the aid of any such ‘outward’ alarm
10.15 a.m. Eucharistos.
Sunday 22nd May. LBR. 02.40 a.m. T. O=O the Kerux section of the ceremony, station and duty etc.
03.00 a.m. Tatwa: Ether of Air (black oval within a blue disc). I began well but very tired to do the simplest of work.
Monday 23rd May. LBR. The Equinox volume I number x.
Tuesday 24th May. LBR. 02.45 a.m. T. O=O the stations continue: Hierophant asks Hegemon his station and duties. The work ended at 03.27 a.m.
03.30 a.m. R.C. in Ajna: Muladhara – Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (Aum Mani Padme Hum) a few breaks and R.C. quite good. There followed a short vision in which I was a female being in a long tunnel. I felt the presence of three masculine entities which were wolf-like.
Saturday 28th May. LBR. 02.50 a.m. T. O=O Hierophant asks the Hierus his station and duties (black robe), Sword of Justice and the Banner of the West. End at 03.22 a.m.
03.25 a.m. R.C. in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [R.C. appeared against a blue vibrant sky and was reflected in water]. I worked with the Chakras and saw an image of a skull, just the cranium, there was no jaw bone. It was yellow in colour, stained by age. It then became blue, like a negative image of itself. I suddenly felt as if my eyes were fully open but as ever they were tightly closed. The work ended at 03.45 a.m.
Fabric Vision, received later: The Children of the Veil. I was standing in a dark room (or I may have been in my asana position) and I noticed that little tiny noses were poking through a dark veil. At first I paid no attention to them, then, wherever I happened to look I saw the tiny nose tips and nothing else beyond the black veil. As I felt around in the darkness I could feel their small cold naked bodies yet I could not see them except for their nose tips. ‘Begone! Begone!’ I shouted and commanded. And all the children of the darkness, those that had not been born (a reference to the formula of ALIM and also of the eleventh degree in the O.T.O.) came running from beyond the veil in complete confusion. I felt as if another presence was there also and it was scornful of me and even laughing at the fool of an adept, who thinks he can enter the veil!
10.00 a.m. Eucharistos.
Sunday 29th May. LBR. 02.20 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed and spine rigid. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Failure! I was too tired to continue and ended after just ten minutes.
Tuesday 31st May. LBR. 02.15 a.m. T. O=O the Hierophant explains his station and duties. I am the Hierophant between the pillars, my head and torso rise high into the air yet my feet are firm in Malkuth (the hands are also able to act within Malkuth). I then contracted – yea, even beyond the confines of my own physical body. I took this to be a sign showing Kether in Malkuth which was caused by the reciting of the Hierophant’s speech. It was as if I had become the triad: (a) the body of light in the Temple as the Hierophant, (b) my consciousness in Kether and (c) my physical ‘earth’ body in Malkuth. The work ended at 02.55 a.m. I then performed the Banishing rituals and Invoked Spirit active (equilibration in the east) and Invoked the Air Pentagram in the four quarters: E.S.W.N. (Air being active).
Asana 03.00 – 03.35 a.m. Legs crossed and spine rigid. Very warm conditions but the body was trembling. Assumption of the God form Shu. I fixed the symbol of Air, which rose upwards and into my Ajna, and then beyond. The work finished at 03.35 a.m. as the light was returning in the east. LBR.
Wednesday 1st June. LBR. 12.10 – 1.00 p.m. In my asana outdoors beneath the hot rays of the sun! The pain became intense at 12.50 p.m.
Thursday 2nd June. LBR. 02.20 a.m. T. O=O the Stolistes and Dadouchos, purifies and consecrates with fire and water. End at 02.45 a.m. whereupon I attempt the R.C. in Ajna. The symbol rises from the Muladhara Chakra and into Kether (white brilliance) and beyond and back again to Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. very good. Unstoppable! Asana: Legs crossed. It was a very hot night. During one of the breaks I almost became lost in Union (Dhyana) of which as yet I have not attained. I ended the work at 03.15 a.m.
08.30 a.m. Eucharistos.
Friday 3rd June. LBR. 07.55 a.m. Vision: I was lying in bed in my room. It was early morning. With my astral eyes I could observe clearly that there was a light in the room and a window was open. It was windy outside. The door was opening and closing a little because of the draught from the window. I was beneath the blanket. I heard the door slam shut and everything went dark as I looked up from beneath the blanket, which suddenly flew into the air as some large and powerful presence lay down beside me. It was pushing my upper body from the bed and at the same time my ears were being deafened by the screaming of the Nada, which increased in volume. I woke from this with my ears ringing and my upper body thrust to the side of the bed and half hanging outside it. I was full of fear! I had experienced the full animalistic strength of what I termed at the time the ‘dweller on the threshold’, not visible but a definite presence, as it has been [and will be] so often. It must be overcome! These astral attacks which so often spill out into physical reality have become a common occurrence over the years and I have learnt to ‘banish’ them in my own way and escape from the assault. They are always experienced during the vulnerability of sleep and sometimes physical paralysis occurs too. It must be noted that so often a piercing tone (Nada) like the strike of a bell that vibrates and increases in volume nearly always signals an attack of this nature (2).
Saturday 4th June. LBR. 03.05 a.m. Tatwa: Akasa (spirit). Mantra: A.M.P.H. I began well but failed to achieve anything of significance. Previous to this I did Temple work: T. O=O the circumambulation.
03.10 a.m. R.C. in Ajna. I attempted it first without the mantra, but I found it difficult to control the mind, so I had to use it (A.M.P.H.) but I used it at a reduced rate, slower than usual. I had some strange feelings because of this: (a) Like being smothered in a blanket of darkness, and (b) two lesser sensations as of being turned around 360 degrees, and the ‘inward’ becoming the ‘outward’. I tried with the R.C. in Kether and I became conscious of a duality, as if my body of light (spirit) were looking upon my body of earth. There was no difficulty in doing this and it seemed to occur naturally with the R.C. in Kether.
Tuesday 7th June. LBR. 02.10 a.m. T. O=O the Hierophant announces the end of the mystical circumambulations, and rise of light, and the adorations begin.
02.30 a.m. Asana: Arrowhead. A warm night. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I visualised a golden Ankh – the blue light penetrated my consciousness as it usually does previous to works of this nature, after some rapid breathing. I saw the golden Ankh in the blue sky in the East. The Arrowhead seems a good posture; the hands and feet which were touching, completely disappeared – not painfully, but just ‘lost’. The head was resting on the chest and a white light was about me. I could have done much longer in my asana and was a little disappointed with the Ankh. I ended at 03.20 a.m. Asana and Ankh duration: 50 minutes.
Wednesday 8th June. LBR. 02.45 a.m. ‘Khabs Am Pekht’, ‘Konx Om Pax’, ‘Light In Extension’ – 03.13 a.m. R.C. in Ajna.
Friday 10th June. LBR. Vision: I was led through a passageway and up stairs to different levels of a building and into many rooms. I was guided by the Master (the Guardian of the Lunar and Solar Principles). The rooms were large and white in colour. I left the Master and walked up a stairway to the Lunar (female) quarters of the building (or Sanctuary). I began talking to a young girl (Soror) who was about fourteen years old in appearance. She spoke French and she said she will teach me to speak English, but just then the Master returned and escorted me away, as I was not permitted to be there because it was purified only to the Lunar Principle. I told him that I was looking into one of the rooms I had stayed in before (presumably in a previous incarnation as a female) and I told him of the changes I had observed. I followed the Master into the Inner Sanctum which was purified to both the Lunar and Solar Principles conjoined. The furnishings were of wood and metal, these symbolised the Solar Principle, and fur and soft furnishings symbolised the Lunar Principle. We went along a short passageway into the gardens and I noticed a stone chess board beyond the flower beds which were planted on a slope. I followed the Master up this slope... Just then, I noticed a loud sound at the base of my skull, slightly at the right hand side; a buzzing noise which brought me swiftly from the vision state. It is a sound I have often had and is reminiscent of an inner explosion that echoes inside the head and pulses like an electric wave.
The Sanctuary of the Solar and Lunar Principles
The Temple and the Garden
Saturday 11th June. LBR. 02.35 a.m. Asana: Thunderbolt. Ida – (Puraka 10, Khumbhaka 10); Pingala – (Rechaka 10, Khumbhaka 10). I had a vision of the Voluptuous Adulterer: the Snake Serpent. I tried to use the Mantra: A.M.P.H. but did not proceed with it as it was of no use. I saw the ‘Winged Globe’ from the Stele of Revealing and made Dharana. Then there came a vision of the Crying Isis. The work ended at 02.53 a.m. Duration of asana: 18 minutes.
Sunday 12th June. LBR. 02.30 a.m. T. O=O the Candidates admission; the hoodwink and the rope – before the knock – 02.58 a.m.
03.05 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed. Stomach empty, breathing slow and rhythmical with hands on thighs. On thinking of the ceremony, a phrase entered my consciousness: ‘There is Chaos between the Pillars’. The work ended at 03.35 a.m. Pentagram in Ajna. During the asana I attempted Dharana on the tip of my nose – I became conscious of my ‘astral’ self before me and we were touching nose to nose, like a mirror image. I rose into Kether in a sort of ‘third’ person and viewed the astral and earth body, the duality: Looking out is looking in! Duration of asana: 30 minutes.
Monday 13th June LBR. The Numerations of Asnia which were partly discovered yesterday on Sunday 12th June:
Aleph 1
Yod 10
Nun 50
Samekh 60
Aleph 1
Total= 122. [Aleph, Yod, Nun 1+10+50=61] and [Samekh, Aleph 60+1=61] 1 + 11 squared [10+1=11, 50+60+1=111 – A=111 in full], or 1+56+65=122= Hadit (1) + Nuit (56) + Adonai/eimi (65) = ‘I am Horus’ [unsure about this].
61= AIN (negative) also ANI (ego)
50= Death (Binah)
60= Restriction
11= Number of Magick
122=1=Unity. (22= Letters of the Hebrew Alphabet and the Paths on the Sephira Tree of Life).
6-1=5
6-1=5
1+2+2=5 = 555 Hadit in full.
6x1=6
6x1=6
1+2x2=6 = 666 the Beast etc.
50 divided by 10=5 Pentagram (Microcosm)
60 divided by 10=6 hexagram (Macrocosm)
5+6=11 HAD and number of Magick.
65=Adonai
65+1+1=67 (Binah) [and Achad Unity – Binah + Kether]
56= NU
Elements: Air, Fire, Water, Earth and Air.
By the Tarot: Fool. Temperance. Death. Hermit and Fool= ‘Folly is the self sacrifice of initiation and the secret gate of the fool!’
122=
1-2 (=O)-2= OOO [Ain Soph Aur]
1-2 (=O) x2=OO [Ain Soph]
1x2 (=2)-2= O [Ain]
1+2 (=3)-2=1 [Kether]
1+ (2 divided by 2=1) =2 [Chokmah]
2+2 (=4)-1=3 [Binah, Saturn]
1x2 (=2) +2=4 [Chesed, Jupiter]
1+2+2=5 [Geburah, Mars]
1+2 (=3) x2=6 [Tiphereth, Sun]
12(2 squared) =1+2+4=7 [Netzach, Venus]
1x2x4=8 [Hod, Mercury]
1(2 squared) (2 squared) =1+4+4=9 [Yesod, Moon]
1(2 squared) 2= 1+4x2=10 [Malkuth, Earth]
Wednesday 15th June. LBR. 02.42 a.m. T. O=O the admittance into the Hall.
09.50 a.m. Eucharistos. The darkness of initiation has begun!
Thursday 16th June. LBR. 02.50 a.m. T. O=O the Purification and Consecration of P.A.A.A.
02.57-03.25 a.m. Asana and Mantra: A.M.P.H. Chakras. I was very exhausted. I noticed a shudder of enormous strength throw my upper body to the right, it was like an electric current within me [could this be connected to the spasmodic jerks that are assumed to move the body during asana?] There is a shadow of doubt upon me.
Saturday 18th June. LBR. The right forearm (wrist) now has a very vivid circle upon it, slightly larger and slightly higher than the circle on the left forearm. Both circles contain an inner circle. What does this mean? Is it a form of stigmata? Why are they almost perfect mirror images of each other? I do not know.
Sunday 19th June. LBR. 02.45 a.m. T. O=O at the altar stands P.A.A.A. and the Hegemon gives his answers to the Hierophant: ‘Why does thou seek to enter the Sacred Hall?’ etc and the work ended at 03.02 a.m.
03.05 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed. H.P.K. [Hoor Par Kraat] in Ajna, on the Lotus Leaf. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (quite good only a few breaks). I removed H.P.K. and place my astral form before me in the assumption of the god form H.P.K. I had to end the work at 03.15 as I was disturbed by outside sounds. Stomach empty. A windy and warm night. Continued with mantra: A.M.P.H. into sleep.
6.30-7.45 p.m. Asana: Legs crossed. Dharana on Yoni [the expansion and contraction] caused a vibratory sensation in Muladhara after the expansion and contraction ended. Pain began at 7.40 p.m. and the duration of the asana was 75 minutes.
Tuesday 21st June. LBR. [Summer Solstice] 02.25 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed and hands on Yesod. Stomach empty. Chakras. My astral body before me, also seated in asana, robed in red with the R.C. on the breast and wand in the right hand. I transferred from the earth to the astral and performed the LBR. A filmy mist was around me as I rose into the air. There was a feeling of eternal peace and tranquillity. I became fatigued in the rising and ended at 02.50 a.m. I again heard the Nada in the right ear like an explosion which lasted around 30 seconds or more. It decreased in strength and sound. I had the image of a match being struck as an analysis – the flame on the initial strike = the enthusiasm, powerful [Isis], Then it settles in size and strength, and flows freely towards an end without the initial enthusiasm [Apothis]. Then it burns out and all is completed, the will is done! [Osiris].
Wednesday 22nd June. LBR. 11.30 a.m. Eucharistos.
Saturday 25th June. LBR. 03.00 a.m. Asana: Dragon. Very hot and stomach empty. Pranayama: Puraka=10, Kumbhaka=5, Rechaka=10, Kumbhaka=5. I felt this was too easy to do so I increased it to 10/10/10/10. I began to sweat a little and heard thunder in the distance. I ended at 03.10 a.m. mantra: A.M.P.H. with R.C. in Ajna. Very good, R.C. was rising into the sky in the East and I ended at 03.20 a.m.
Duration: Asana=20 minutes (pain at the end and I could not move at all, I was completely rigid after just 10 minutes). Pranayama=10 minutes. Mantra=10 minutes (very good rhythm).
10.40 a.m. Eucharistos. Emotionally the O=O is having an effect upon me which is not good.
Tuesday 28th June. LBR. 02.27 a.m. T. O=O ‘Obligation’ and keeping the secrets and the mystery of the Order. Ending at 02.44 a.m. A short exercise concerning ‘Berashith till 02.47 a.m.
02.50 a.m. Asana: Arrowhead. R.C. in Ajna (a few breaks). R.C. was good in short bursts then breaks would occur on thinking about the asana etc. The word ‘Mountain’ entered my consciousness for some reason. I opened my eyes and saw the R.C., gold and red before me. Stomach empty and ended at 03.10 a.m.
Wednesday 29th June. LBR. 02.43 T. O=O ‘Obligations’ and P.A.A.A. kneels at the altar.
Friday 1st July. LBR. 10.30 a.m. Fabric Vision: I had images of many rooms in a large house, each one like a photograph showing the furniture, ornaments and decorations. This lasted a long time and continued on to the second vision: I was beneath the blankets in bed; I was aware of who I am and where I am and the time etc. Then a strong blue light (LVX) filled my consciousness, even lighter than daylight. I had to ask myself: ‘Where am I?’ Yet I knew I was in a dark room, with my eyes closed, under the blanket. The blue light was of a ‘fabric’ nature, soft and penetrating. Patterned above and below and all around – like a room completely covered in material, with no corners, no joins and no roof or floor etc, it was just one expanse of surface. I remained in full control throughout and could travel wherever I wished to go and examine whatever I wished to see. The light was overwhelming and the sun seemed to pale by comparison. There is some link between these visions I call ‘fabric’.
Saturday 2nd July. LBR. 02.29 a.m. T. O=O the Hierophant; to keep the secrets etc and the mysteries of the Order spoken by the candidate P.A.A.A.
02.38 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on Yesod. A hot night. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I stimulate Yesod using the expansion and contraction technique I discovered. Very good. Dharana on Horus in Ajna – my hands completely disappeared. I put my hands on my head: thumbs over ears; first finger over eyes, second fingers on nostrils, third and fourth fingers over mouth. Ida and Pingala [in through Pingala] good. I felt as if I were some sort of breathing mechanism. I could hear the heart beating and the air entering and leaving the lungs. At the end I felt a terrific joy at the intricate workings of the human body. The work ended at 03.08 a.m. and I focused the ‘Eye of Horus’ in the Pyramid with the Solar Blaze in my Ajna into sleep. Duration of asana= 30 minutes.
Sunday 3rd July. LBR. 02.05 a.m. T. O=O the Hierophant and the circumambulations – Kerux bars the way, purification with water and consecration with fire.
02.15 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on knees. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [in active and passive form, i.e. sound=10 minutes, and silence=10 minutes]. A few breaks. I noticed a rocking motion was set up as if I were upon a boat on a vast ocean, also some small spasms or jerks. Mantra good. My hands disappeared. The weather is hot yet I trembled as my body became rigid. Breathing good, although stomach not completely empty. I ended at 02.44 a.m. Duration of asana=29 minutes.
Tuesday 5th July. LBR. 02.58 a.m. T. O=O continues. Very low emotionally.
Wednesday 6th July. LBR. 02.42 a.m. T. O=O purification and consecration – enter the east (Hexagram and altar).
09.10 a.m. Eucharistos.
Friday 8th July. LBR. ‘John St John’: day three. [Equinox vol I]. 6.00-7.05 p.m.
Saturday 9th July. LBR. 02.15 a.m. T. O=O at the altar. Go to the east ‘Khabs Am Pekht’ etc.
02.25 a.m. Asana: Thunderbolt. Pranayama: Puraka=10, Kumbhaka=10, Rechaka=10, Kumbhaka=10. Good. I increased it to 11/11/11/11. Also good. I was on the edge of consciousness and began to sweat, but I only managed two cycles of this. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Body completely rigid. Stimulate Muladhara [Yesod]. Chakra. I felt the fire (solar) energy rise from Yesod and the water (lunar) energy entering through Kether, and descending into Tiphereth, where it conjoined with the fire to form the Hexagram [the downward pointing triangle meeting the upward pointing triangle or the Macrocosm and the Microcosm]
Yoni: Male=Sun/ Female=Moon
Kether: Male=Moon/ Female=Sun
The Shiva and Shakti or the Sun/Moon symbolism of the Beast and Babalon conjoined.
The Hexagram remained in Tiphereth. I placed the R.C. in Ajna which was also quite good but a little difficult due to outside disturbances. I ended at 02.45 a.m. Duration of asana= 20 minutes.
02.48 a.m. Asana: Lotus position. The expansion and contraction of the Solar Plexus to stimulate Sushumna. End at 03.00 a.m.
09.20 a.m. Asana: Thunderbolt. LBR. Pranayama: Puraka=5, Kumbhaka=10, Rechaka=20. I could not even manage one cycle of this difficult pranayama. Stomach empty, very hot and throat dry. Today is the First Day of Judgement concerning O=O (3).
Monday 11th July. LBR. The Second Day of Judgement in O=O the weighing of the soul; the death of the man and the birth of the neophyte. I feel as if I am in some sort of waking Dharana state. It is hard to do normal routines as my life is examined from within and without! (4) Read ‘John St John’ day three - day five [Equinox vol I] 5.40-6.30 p.m. ‘Temple of Solomon’ [Equinox vol I number iv] 6.30-7.15 p.m. The ‘Yogas’ and the ‘Mudras’ 7.18-725 pm. ‘Maya Mudra’ [Equinox IV ‘Solomon’]
Asana; stimulate Yoni – pulsating began in Yoni and ascended into Sushumna thence to Tiphereth, then Daath, then Ajna (pulsing at the back of the skull) which became a little painful. Sweating intensely (more than in the usual pranayama). Very hot outside. Stomach quite empty. 8.35 pm. in the Hanged Man position. Mantra: A.M.P.H. into Solar Plexus – the body began jerking soon afterwards. I counted four major jerks. My tongue was very dry and sticking to the roof of my mouth; my hands were vibrating behind my head. I expanded and contracted consciousness by breathing – darkness like a large lung inflating and deflating. Very hot! I ended at 8.55 p.m.
Tuesday 12th July. LBR. The Third Day of Judgement in O=O. I intended to do some work concerning O=O but physical manifestations persist in stopping me. I am unable to work because judgement continues which yes is frustrating but also necessary!
01.57 a.m. Asana: My position: sitting on left heel, right leg over left thigh. Chakras. The Kundalini force in the Sushumna, glowing and increasing in strength. Maya Mudra (Yoni). Pranayama: Puraka=10, Kumbhaka=10, Rechaka=20, Kumbhaka=10. Sweating. [The original sequence of pranayama was 10/5/20/5 then I increased Kumbhaka by one for every cycle until it reached 10/10/20/10] Good. After a while I opened my physical eyes and felt a terrible disgust for wasting my time in all of this – obviously an ‘Apophis’ of I.A.O. and part of the continuing judgement (5). I ended at 02.40 a.m. Duration=43 minutes. Very hot.
09.15-09.20 a.m. Pranayama: 10/10/20/10. I did six cycles of this. Very hot again! Stomach empty and mouth dry. 91 degrees today. [Note LBR at the start of each day includes: the Pentagram, the Hexagram and the Star Ruby Ritual].
4.50-6.10 p.m. ‘John St John’ day five - day eight [Equinox vol I]
6.10-6.25 p.m. G.D. ‘Bornless Ritual’ (also Liber Samekh).
Thursday 14th July. LBR. The Fifth day of Judgement in O=O. I am still not being allowed to proceed with O=O.
02.52 a.m. I was content to learn the secret signs and steps etc till 03.04 a.m.
Friday 15th July. LBR. The Sixth Day of Judgement in O=O. ‘John St John’ day eight - day ten [Equinox I] 5.40-6.25 p.m. The Magickal Retirement by G.H. O.M. 7=4 (Oct 1908. Paris), Magick and Confessions and G.D (O=O).
Saturday 16th July. LBR. The Seventh Day of Judgement in O=O. 02.45 a.m. T. O=O I attempted the ‘Purification and Consecration’ but had to stop at 02.50 a.m. as I am still not being allowed to proceed any further, no matter how much I desire to. Physical obstacles have been placed in my way. I am still under judgement!
10.00 a.m. Pranayama: 10/5/20/5. I increased this to 10/10/20/10 by the previous method of 12th July. Hot in Asana: Legs crossed, hands together in Muladhara, to erase the thought of ‘breathing in’ which seems to work. I ended the work at 10.09 a.m. Stomach empty, dry and hot. Tired. I was reluctant to do any work but I forced myself to.
10.20. Eucharistos. There are further hampering concerning O=O; something is determined to hinder my work!
Sunday 17th July. LBR. The Eighth Day of Judgement in O=O. 09.00 a.m. ‘The Final Ordeal’ concerning O=O – The night is over! I have come through! I was insulted and degraded by every form of humiliation during this dark night of my soul – the last judgement! I was lying in a dark chamber and I was pestilence, plague and famine. I was spat upon; I was gnawed at by rats until my flesh fell from me – I cried unto the Lord of the Universe: ‘Eloi, Eloi, Lama Sabacthani!’ [My God, My God, Why hast Thou forsaken me!] And I was led from the chamber, up a wooden ladder and into the sunlight – ‘Quit the night and seek the day!’ The struggle with the will lasted the whole night, until judgement was over and I came through. I had no choice in the matter and there was no evading it; I had put certain things into action by my will and the outcome would occur with or without me, but I had no choice this night as to my attendance and I am able to continue with the O=O in the final section. The grade hath been bestowed upon me! (6)
09.03 a.m. T. O=O the ‘circumambulations’ to the end of the opening. Ended at 09.19 a.m. on the Eighth Day of Judgement, Sunday 17th July 1994 e.v. [the ninetieth year in the Aeon of Horus] in the Valley of the Second City, (7). The secret password was that discovered at the Vernal Equinox, whose number was 227: Vau – Aleph – Beth – Resh – Yod – Cheth [2+2+7=11 the number of Magick].
09.20-09.35 a.m. Asana: Hanged Man.
3.50-4.50 p.m. ‘John St John’ day ten to the end [Equinox I]. ‘Confessions’ (Chapter 20) 6.05-6.30 p.m.
Monday 18th July. LBR. At 07.20 a.m. I intended to do an hour of asana and pranayama with Ida and Pingala but Ida is still very badly blocked.
T. O=O: I began the Closing Ceremony of the O=O at 07.24 a.m. ‘Hekas! Hekas! Este Bebeloi!’ etc.
The Hierophant: ‘Let the Mystical reverse circumambulations take place, in the pathway of light’, after Purification and Consecration.
Vision: I met a certain Adept, an Adeptus Minor 5=6, I know not his motto. I told him of my high aspirations towards the Great Work and he spoke in a very peculiar manner, saying: ‘Never pay anything back the first time, if you can’t pay it back the second!’ All of his talk was of this sort of nature; he spoke in riddles which needed to be thought over. Mantra: A.M.P.H. a few breaks - Fabric: A stone room, grey, filled with light. Thirty to Forty minutes of the mantra gave me a headache.
Tuesday 19th July. LBR. My dreams were filled with grotesque phantoms, still after their pound of flesh! I had to use the LBR to destroy them!
Friday 22nd July. LBR. 09.10 a.m. T. O=O the reverse circumambulation and adorations facing East. (Ida still blocked).
Saturday 23rd July. LBR. The Final Day of O=O. In the T. (Temple) 07.45 a.m. the Rose, Fire, Bread, Salt and Cup (elements on the altar) the Closing of the Temple is at an end and so ends the initiation into the grade of O=O began on Sunday 15th May 1994 e.v. (8) [An XC] (9) and ending on Saturday 23rd July 1994 e.v. [An XC].
Duration of O=O the Grade of the Neophyte = 69 days.
69= the number of A....... when spelt with Zamed, which replaces Samekh – Zamed=7, Samekh= 60. See Chapter 69 in The Book of Lies by Aleister Crowley.
Sunday 24th July. LBR. The strange ‘stigmata’ markings on the forearms have now completely gone!
02.05 a.m. Asana: legs crossed, facing east. Performed the Star Ruby Ritual. Chakras. Dharana on Muladhara. Very good – duality, from above: Kether. Also received vision which I used to know well in childhood, but did not understand! It is a complete expansion and smothering with no way over, around, under or through. It is hard to explain. I knew immediately that it was a form of Dhyana, the beginnings of a partial Samadhi – I have given this vision the name ‘Tortoise’ because the head appears from the protective shell in the same manner as the vision unfolds. During Chakras, on reaching Daath – the Vishuddha, my consciousness became filled by discarnate voices, an unknown source. But I took this to be nothing more than what Crowley describes as ‘telephone conversations’ in ‘John St John’.
Monday 25th July. LBR. 7.00 p.m. Magick: Preliminary Remarks and part III: Theorums – 8.15 pm.
Tuesday 26th July. LBR. Asana: Lotus position. 02.35-02.50 a.m. Chakras – Vishuddha. No pain in asana.
07.30 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed. Ida and Pingala [in 10 Ida and out 20 Pingala]. Pingala became blocked at 07.50 a.m. and I had to end. I remained in my asana and did pranayama: 10/10/10/10. Till 07.55 a.m. [15 cycles]. Stomach empty. Reading Regardie’s ‘Golden Dawn’ 08.00 a.m. [Formula of O=O grade] end at 08.35 a.m. Duration of asana= 65 minutes.
Wednesday 27th July. LBR. 06.05 a.m. Asana: legs crossed. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [active and passive, i.e. aloud for 5 minutes and silent for 15 minutes] – 06.25 a.m. I counted five large breaks but still quite well. Stomach empty.
06.35 a.m. Eucharistos.
‘Vision of the Nostoc’ – I witnessed the expulsion of Amritta, or celestial dew. It was difficult to control but thought seems to stop it by will (and can retain it). Its nature was of blood, semen, urine and a further principle I felt to be masculine of a milk-like consistency. I have received the vision once before, but was unable to understand it at the time. It has a gum consistency and is neither actually liquid nor solid; it is colourless in appearance but close investigation reveals red speckles (blood). A little is invigorating but too much has a sickly taste and can even be harmful. Of course, I gorged myself on it! It is not sweet and it is not bitter!
Male: the hidden secretion [HAD]. Positive, Active – symbol of the sun. Shin: XX
Female: the hidden secretion [NUIT]. Negative, Passive – symbol of the moon. Teth: XI.
XX+XI=XXXI [31]. These two principles merge to form the symbol of the sun and the moon conjoined. (10).
Friday 29th July. LBR. 02.45 a.m. LBR and Tatwa: earth. Began well: Diety vibration – Archangel – Angel. R.C. in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H.
Saturday 30th July. LBR. 08.00 a.m. Asana: Hanged Man. Tatwa: earth. Began well again. Fell into terrifying dreams again: the demon is hot on the trail! LVX – like a lightening flash! There were people in strange costumes, surrounded by trees and they were clapping in a sacred manner. End at 08.43 a.m.
10.25 a.m.Eucharistos. Very hot.
Sunday 31st July. LBR. Magick part II.
Tuesday 2nd August. LBR. I entered the T. (Temple) in my astral body. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on knees. Chakras.
Sunday 8th August. I entered the T. In my astral body. I had perfect control of the form. Chakras. At the heart of Tiphereth, golden and around it the white flame.
Monday 9th August. LBR. 02.10 a.m. enter the T. In astral body. A blue light penetrated through the skin. I used the Tatwa of spirit to rise – thought gives the sensation of feeling (touch). There was an automatic rising when the blue light touched the skin.
07.20 a.m. Eucharistos.
Saturday 13th August. LBR. 02.50 a.m. I do not know why but I am having doubts in magick.
Wednesday 17th August. LBR. 02.05 a.m. The blue light entered the skin and I willed myself from the rising and concentrated on turning the darkness (inner) of consciousness into daylight and beyond! Success! I noted later that the doubts of earlier have all but gone. The magick light seems to flicker in strength and during weak periods doubts seem to occur. I must continue to work without lust of result; it is the ‘doing’ that is important!
Monday 22nd August. LBR. Eucharistos: Fabric vision – myself as dead!
Tuesday 23rd August. LBR. 01.55 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed – 02.35 a.m. Rigid with jerks. Hands and feet disappeared, all inward. Some dark entity spoke the name of ‘Choronzon’; but I was unafraid. His eyes were burning yellow. I used my own motto as a mantra: P.A.A.A. which proved effective. I demanded Adni – I shook all over as if I were being electrocuted: Yesod was positively alive and pulsing with vibration, in the shape of the Yoni – Sushumna: The downward pointing triangle of water fused with the upward pointing triangle of fire to become the hexagram, and it was swift as an arrow! Even through sleep I kept it and even kept the Tatwa of water in my Ajna for as long as I could.
Thursday 25th August. LBR. 01.55-02.00 Asana: my position. I could not manage it. I became very emotional and I implored Adni’s forgiveness and to not judge the brute too harshly (also for my incessant demands of him, especially on Tuesday 23rd August).
Saturday 27th August. LBR. 02.25 a.m. Asana: Hanged Man. I used the Middle Pillar Exercise and received a ‘fabric’ vision.
Tuesday 30th August. LBR. Morning Vision: The adept, wearing the robe of the Neophyte [O=O], with his cat named Jamara. ‘Fabric Vision’: I looked down the vastness of my body, horizontally in bed, towards my feet – but it was not my bed and they were not my feet! Also the lighting in the room was all different. I said ‘this is not real’ and touched my eyes (either astrally or physically) and everything changed and became normal again, my bed and my feet etc. Equinox III: Temple of Solomon 6.25-6.50 p.m.
Wednesday 31st August. LBR. 02.15 a.m. Chakras and Dharana on a swinging golden bell. Two enormous breaks!
Friday 2nd September. LBR. 02.00 a.m. Asana: legs crossed. Invoke Hexagram. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (no breaks) but had to stop because of pains in my head.
11.45 a.m. Eucharistos. Equinox: Solomon and Magick Liber O.
Saturday 3rd September. LBR. Asana:Legs crossed, 02.20-02.30 a.m. After the Star Ruby Ritual. Assumption of HPK, vibration good, but lust for result caused failure! Although the assumption was good!
07.20 a.m. Eucharistos. ‘Fabric’ vision. Emotionally low again.
Monday 5th September. LBR. There are more doubts in magick – the Gods withdraw!
LBR continues through the dark days ahead.
Saturday 10th September. LBR. 02.30 a.m. Asana: Hanged Man. I used the Middle Pillar Exercise. ‘Fabric’ vision: In my astral form I entered a room which was bright and very large with lots of glass display cases as one would see in a museum. I had perfect control of my astral form and could move it in any direction at will. I looked at the window and saw my reflection repeated many times in the glass. I looked at one cabinet and saw various leaves and other objects, all numbered and categorised. I tested myself by looking away, and then turned to the cabinet again and the same items were there in the same order. Just then a bell started to ring and I got the distinct feeling I should return to the physical body, but I noticed lots of sea shells in another cabinet by the window. The walls were golden and the floor was red. When I looked out of the window, it was strange, it was a tall building but there were many reflections of myself, looking at myself which seemed to continue into infinity.
07.45 a.m. Eucharistos.
Sunday 11th September. LBR. 02.10 a.m. In my astral I rose vertically into the air with my hands behind my Muladhara. I entered a golden landscape. I prolonged the ‘who am I? What am I?’ etc and I said ‘My body is vibrating’ and it vibrated (just as I had willed it to). I also moved my astral arm from my physical arm and raised it. It had a texture of its own. It can feel if I will it to feel or even appear like smoke and travel long distances.
Monday 12th September. LBR. Vision: Walking in a circular motion, beside a lake. There were a crowd of people in the distance. They were able to see and pick blue objects from the air, small and round which were swallowed, under golden trees (I took two but only swallowed one). They seem to give energy, yet pacify the instincts; they also stop the sun from physically harming one. It all ended in terror: A woman with blonde hair tore open a man’s chest (active and passive nature) for she began kissing him. She opened her own chest and then I came towards them. She thrust her hands into the man’s chest cavity and scrambled his internal organs with her long finger nails, and began to eat them! I ran and as I looked back the woman had become a large cat like a leopard and she sat beside the man, licking at his insides as a cat licks at a tray of cat food.
Tuesday 13th September. LBR. Blackness filled by thunder cracks (green and red). I find Puraka maintains the green light and Rechaka maintains the red, through a sort of merging. The colours fill the blackness so that I can’t form a single image – interrupted by distractions outside so had to end.
Saturday 17th September. LBR. 07.30 a.m. Eucharistos. 08.00 a.m. ‘Fabric’ vision: unmentionable yet it concerned the ‘Nostoc’.
Sunday 18th September. LBR. 02.00 a.m. Work interrupted by outside distractions.
Tuesday 20th September. LBR. 02.20 a.m. Middle Pillar Exercise. Chakras. I began well but my mind was a jumble of images I could not control, and so ended.
Thursday 22nd September. LBR. 09.00 a.m. Eucharistos. The eve of the Autumn Equinox and doubts are returning!
Saturday 24th September. LBR. 02.00 a.m. Middle Pillar Exercise. Chakras. Doubts.
Sunday 25th September. LBR. 02.10 a.m. I entered the astral body. Very good - duality. I came upon a bronze city, and there was a bronze old man with a beard to welcome me. But how can I live up to my motto P.A.A.A.? I am ashamed to call myself a neophyte! I have strayed!
08.45 a.m. Fire Tatwa. Quite good.
Wednesday 28th September. LBR. 09.10 a.m. Eucharistos.
Saturday 1st October. LBR. 02.25 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Instead of fixing my concentration on the centre (Hadit) I concentrated to the side (or circumference) of it (Nuit); difficult to express in words, but I never had it to the front of my consciousness (11). The blue light descended upon me, phosphorescent in its nature, almost gaseous. Instead of rising vertically in my astral body, I ‘rose’ horizontally and forwards. I felt a tremendous rush of air as I travelled at a much swifter pace than vertically.
09.25 a.m. Eucharistos.
Sunday 2nd October. LBR. Chakras. I concentrated upon the spinning Chakra wheels, the motion releasing a great surge of energy. I rose in my body of light, as in yesterday’s practice, only this time I travelled sideways in the horizontal – ‘I’m to the left of me! I’m under me! I’m over me! [On thinking of my earth form the air form became very transparent, as if its energy were being diverted to the earth form etc]. The air form began to be pulled back towards the earth form, unconsciously which was difficult to resist – thus why the training of the mind and the strengthening of the will is of such importance! Yoga=Magick!
Thursday 6th October. LBR. 11.50 a.m. Eucharistos.
Tuesday 11th October. LBR. Premonition concerning the death of a family member (12).
Wednesday 12th October. LBR. The Birth of the Beast.
Thursday 13th October. LBR. No matter what I do something always brings me back to magick, no matter how lazy I am. Physical signs appear constantly as a reminder of the G.W. (Great Work) and of the serious implications of breaking the oath. Reading ‘Magick’ 9-10.50 p.m.
Sunday 16th October. LBR. 02.30 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. quite good.
09.25 a.m. Eucharistos. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 09.30-09.55 a.m. [only two major breaks, I heard some words: ‘the Queen of the East’ (13)].
Tuesday 18th October. LBR. I had a vision which I can only relate as something similar to Crowley’s ‘Star Sponge’ vision (14). I saw Hadit swallowed by Nuit, and the beautiful blue of her vestments. The stars and the galaxies were all moving and exploding like one enormous organism, forming in clusters as if I were an insignificant amoeba in the great Pacific Ocean. There were no breaks during the vision. Towards its end a large eye appeared and it cried dew as it blinked – [The eye of Horus, or the eye of Shiva] I was unable to remove this eye from my consciousness, no matter what I did, until it went freely. Time was immaterial but I was earthbound again at 02.30 a.m.
Thursday 20th October. LBR. 02.15 a.m. The blue light was upon me and it was pulsing. I rose in my astral body. I heard a sound in my ear (not the nada) which increased in volume and tone. I used the mantra: A.M.P.H. and found myself that is my body of light, downstairs with no recollection of time in any natural form. A magnetic force was reacting with my astral body and controlling where it travelled to. I immediately flew (more like I was flung) into a corner by a small window, and then again into the opposite corner and then to the centre of the room. My right leg began to raise with a will of its own it seemed. I could do nothing to stop it from rising (I was unaware of it at first until I noticed it happening). The leg was as light as a feather!
Saturday 22nd October. LBR. 03.28 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. An exercise concerning Liber Berashith [Magick – Liber Thisharb].
Sunday 23rd October. LBR. 02.30 a.m. God-Head: Osiris Risen – partial success. I was disturbed.
08.45 a.m. Eucharistos. Reading Magick 06.30-08.15 a.m. Rising on the planes. Liber O and Liber Samech: Preliminary Invocation.
Monday 24th October. LBR. Gematria (777) 6.50-10.20 p.m.
Tuesday 25th October. LBR. 02.10 a.m. The earth body and the body of light conjoined in the form of H.P.K. [Hoor-Paar-Kraat]. I used the sign of the Enterer to return. The form was robed as in the Golden Dawn Neophyte grade. Purification and consecration of the Circle. The Invocation of H.P.K. God-Head 02.55 a.m.
Thursday 27th October. LBR. 02.10 a.m. I entered the Temple in my astral form using the previous formula of H.P.K. Instead of doing it slowly I did it at a quicker pace with good results. The rising was good, in fact much better. My hands and feet became almost nonexistent!
Saturday 29th October. LBR. 08.30 a.m. ‘Fabric’ vision concerning the ‘future of man’. I stood on a metal tiled floor and was surrounded by uniforms of black and red, which were metallic in appearance.
Sunday 30th October. LBR. 02.30 a.m. I entered the Temple and Invoked Earth in the form of Set Fighting. Very good.
Monday 31st October. LBR. Midnight: the Enterer in the form of H.P.K. – Initiation to East!
Tuesday 1st November. LBR. 03.05 a.m. I entered the Temple. Asana: Legs crossed. 03.15 a.m. Chakras: Ajna, eyes appeared open, not the earth eyes but the astral eyes. I used the form of H.P.K. Tatwa: Fire of Earth (triangle within a square). End at 03.45 a.m.
I was awoken at an early hour to find myself in the arms of an elemental – it was of the blue light and how it struggled on my waking to find it. It was male in appearance, and almost seemed quite Greek or Roman, but it was not warrior-like at all, in fact quite passive. It became a tiger cub and then it turned aggressive, snapping at me. Also on waking I had a distinct feeling I was being watched.
Wednesday 2nd November. LBR. 02.05 a.m. In my astral form – duality! Mantra: A.M.P.H. Robed and earthy. Dharana on the Lamen. The form was transparent with bare feet.
Thursday 3rd November. LBR. I entered the Temple. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on Solar Plexus. 02.30 a.m. After performing the Star Ruby Ritual. Stomach empty. I rose in the astral body. Mantra: A.M.P.H. also used the ‘Barbarous Names of Invocation’. My arms and lower parts of my body seemed to appear in the distance, on entering Kether [Kether of Malkuth]. End at 03.50 a.m. Duration of asana= 1 hour, 20 minutes.
08.30 a.m.:
O=Yoni
Triangle (point upwards) = Heru-Ra-Ha [R.H.K. and H.P.K.]
I= Summit – Mount Abiegnus.
Pranayama: 10/10/10/10/ 09.00-09.05 a.m. Difficult to do so I changed it to: Puraka= 10, Kumbhaka= 10, Rechaka= 10 (09.05-09.20 a.m.)
09.50 a.m. Eucharistos.
Friday 4th November. LBR. The date of the Equinox of the Gods physically makes itself present in numerous ways, almost daily.
The Eye in the Void – the Eye in the Pyramid – the Eye on the Summit
Saturday 5th – Wednesday 9th November 1994.
[in reverse: I.A.O.= O the Void. A the Pyramid. I the Summit].
The brain distracted by sleepless sight,
And the body beaten day and night;
Blown about like seeds in flight:
Damn the darkness, pray for light!
Tear down the temple and torch the tomb -
Eyes that spy within the gloom...
O Saint, O Saviour, this storm of love,
Aches with pain - I follow Thee!
Master, whether Thou knewest me,
My life, my love, is one long spree,
To taste, and touch, and follow Thee
Through barren desert and holy sea!
Upon my boat, a prayer, a word
Lingers dull in strength, though heard,
And demon pangs upon my helm:
Accursed, I follow Thee!
In the battle of the blackest will
Are endless dark gods of infernal
Incantations - the Mage is still,
Ravished by the midnight madrigal.
And in the words, the heart resounds
To damnation's desire, it pounds -
Destroy false gods and ceaseless, hunt
To an end - I follow Thee!
Fill the heart of the savage, pray,
Prostrate thyself let no-self stay,
And at the dread hour, turn away -
Strike hard at midnight, force and slay
The earth-born, and destroy the soul,
And from the void, depart, no whole;
Form an image in thy mind,
And in that image - follow Me!
Spectral lights about me, glow,
As if to point which way to go;
And starlight's uninterrupted flow
Lies like white flowers in the snow!
Lift thy gaze and kiss my lips,
Where the blood of the Saviour drips -
My Master, cloaked in mystery -
Dark this love! - I follow Thee!
Stop a while and stay with me;
Forget all thoughts of the soul's journey,
Look to yourself - from thine infancy,
The Light has long been there with thee!
Higher, towards that golden veil,
With steadfast steps upon the trail,
And see the wise man and the fool
As guardians of eternity!
Duty, for duty's sake - error of way:
Count my tongue and the words I will not say!
With the heart and head eclipsed, time now to pray
And blessings be poured forth on thee this day!
And as known, thy mortal self has died,
Forever now a part of the eye within the void!
Divine, eternal, a star cast in the night;
A flame within the chamber of the heart that's burning bright!
Yet, beyond this, yea, still lies your goal:
Sink into black thought, let consciousness roll
Over the embers of your uplifted soul,
Like a sea of 'no space' on the shore of 'no whole'!
And in this, doubt is conquered and rid
To that vast self, the eye in the pyramid -
Naked, you stand, the battle's near won -
Your sweet soul swiftly to Babalon!
Poor Pharaoh, blinded, his sight hath fled
And the Rose dripped blood on reaching God-head;
Even the Chiefs and the Saints have bled,
Staining the Cup, deep ruby-red!
No-self and not-being, gave all to become it -
O wonder of wonders - the eye on the summit!
Nothingness governed by nothingness - see,
There is no Law but Love, within me!
[Eye in the Void, i.e. ‘I’ in the word ‘Vo(i)d’.
Eye in the Pyramid, i.e. ‘I’ in the word ‘Pyram(i)d’. (Obviously Horus).
Eye on the Summit, i.e. ‘I’ in the word ‘Summ(i)t’].
Notice: A(i)n, Had(i)t, Nu(i)t, Ra-Hoor-Khu(i)t, etc.
Is(i)s Apoph(i)s Osir(i)s I=Yod=10 (1+0) Sephiroth.
Birth Death Resurrection
The Brute the Light Initiated Man
L V X
Sunday 6th November. LBR. 02.25 a.m. Entered the Temple – mountain peaks encrusted with snow! A golden sky! [Hands on Solar Plexus] asana: Legs crossed but somehow became un-crossed without my being aware of it. End at 03.00 a.m.
Monday 7th November. LBR. I am tempted to do an evocation from the Goetia just to make things interesting!
Tuesday 8th November. LBR. 02.20 a.m. I entered the Temple after performing the Star Ruby Ritual. I formulated the astral, but could not get the damn ‘rising on the planes’ right. Chakras were good. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Symbol of Air and the God-form Shu (I used the Tatwa of Air). Ended at 02.55 a.m.
Wednesday 9th November. LBR. 09.10 a.m. I entered the Pentagram of Earth in the body of light, after invoking (vibrating) the names etc. I came upon a landscape where the grass was golden and there were hills and mounds and trees. I saw a gnomic figure that came towards me. I tested him with the Earth Pentagram and the vibration of the names – at this he grew in size. I did the H.P.K. and he shrivelled and vanished. A female beckoned to me from her mound. She had a white face with large almond shaped eyes which were half the size of her whole face. She resisted from telling me her name and we sat in her ‘hovel’ staring at each other. She was sat at a table and she said: ‘you wish to make union?’ I resisted the voluptuous creature but she got the better of me and she wrinkled into an old hag: I banished her and she shrivelled. I left her hovel and saw a male figure. I made the sign of H.P.K. to him. He did it back to me and walked away laughing to himself. Then I met a young boy, I did the sign of the Earth Pentagram and vibrated the correct names etc, followed by the sign of H.P.K. I asked him who he is and where he is from. He replied ‘my name is Aragon and I am of the earth’. He asked me what I desired to know and I said ‘all there is of this world!’ He said ‘that cannot be done!’ but he said he would show me something. He then showed me a black box (but would not say what it was or what it was used for). He said ‘there is a greater mystery to learn first and the two will show you how!’ The box: my astral hand went straight through it and I could not touch it. He held it and said ‘you are unable to hold it because your form is not sufficiently developed’. I tested this by touching the boy’s shoulders – he was solid to my touch. I then thanked him for he had no more to show me and I returned to the Pentagram. I entered the physical and performed the banishing rituals. On rising from this I felt as if someone was trying to tell me something, I also heard a voice say: ‘houses, bricks, they are nearly for ever – at least one’s lifetime! And then the grave is forever – at least one’s death-time!’ [I did not like this phrase ‘death-time’].
12.55 p.m. I checked the numerations of ‘Aragon’:
A=1
R=200
A=1
G=3
O=6 (or 70)
N=50 (or 700)
1+200+1+3+6+50=261=Obligation, Abomination [2+6+1=9].
1+200+1+3+70+50=325=Mars spirit Bartzabal and Graphial; Intelligence of Mars [3+2+5=10].
1+200+1+3+6+700=911=hell of Tiphereth; Beginning. [9+1+1=11] seems more correct.
Other possibilities: ARAGONH=266; ARAGN=255; ARAGNH=260, ARGN=275 or 904; ARGNH=279.
Friday 11th November. LBR. XIth second, XIth minute, XIth hour, XIth day, XIth month.
Tuesday 15th November. LBR. 02.10 a.m. Formulate the astral body. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I received a sound in my ears, internal but it sounded external. I entered a deep state of consciousness, which happens when I receive such sounds.
Wednesday 16th November. LBR. ‘Fabric’ vision. It was unsought and difficult to control, though I was fully aware of my position etc. I saw an image of myself – vile, vulgar and degenerate. There was a deep sense of shock and then I saw a vision of the ‘Nostoc’: Two adepts were emitting jets (plumes) of gold – seen within a circle, as if skrying in a pool of ink. [Note, the Solar Current has been in my possession for xiii days].
Thursday 17th November. LBR. Dharana on naval. Contraction= duality and with the duality the astral body appears before me, like a reflection. Expansion, returns to normality. No breaks: 02.05-02.13 a.m. Reading Crowley’s ‘Moonchild’.
Friday 18th November. LBR. Solar Current xv days.
Saturday 19th November. LBR. Tired, but I continue work with astral form and Dharana on naval.
Tuesday 22nd November. LBR. Chakras – luminous ‘fireballs’ – kundalini.
Friday 25th November. LBR. I made an oath to make experiments concerning ‘breaks’ with the morning asana study. Solar Current xxii days.
Saturday 26th November. LBR. 02.40-03.00 a.m. Asana: My position [Pan]. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [Active (aloud) = 10 minutes, passive (silent) = 10 minutes]. There was a change in my consciousness, an electrical ‘buzzing’. If only I had gone further with the A.M.P.H. I feel I would have achieved my aim. ‘Breaks’ began on this day and will be shown in a table in due course.
Sunday 27th November. LBR. 02.18 a.m. Dharana on tip of tongue – duality. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (which I had to use to control the mind), end 02.38 a.m. Solar Current xxiv days.
Tuesday 29th November. LBR. 02.18 a.m. Chakras – third, face to face (not lusting after results). Mantra: A.M.P.H. near unbroken through sleep.
Wednesday 30th November. LBR. 02.10 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (uneven), I tried to keep it flowing through sleep but too active and I can’t pin it down!
Thursday 1st December. LBR. The Hexagram, rising and falling through the Chakras, I fixed it in the Ajna – white state – whooshing like a foaming waterfall. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 02.05-02.25 a.m. Crowley’s Greater Feast and the end of the Solar Current on the xxviii day.
10.12. a.m. Eucharistos.
Friday 2nd December. LBR. 01.47 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. into sleep.
Saturday 3rd December. LBR. 02.44 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [I woke early and quickly got into it!]. In the process of establishing another Solar Current. Reading Liber Jugorum (15) from ‘Magick’ and ‘Master of the Temple’ from Equinox vol I. Number iii. I began to consider an oath concerning Liber Jugorum. It will be a three week G M. R. [Greater Magical Retirement], the first week I shall refrain from using the word ‘and’ in speech. Punishment shall be that prescribed in Liber Jugorum. Week two will concern a specific ‘thought’ and week three will concern a specific ‘action’. Work is to commence from midnight this night. I made the appropriate confessions, oaths etc and asked that Adonai should watch over me.
Begun Midnight, Saturday 3rd December 1994 e.v.
And ending midnight, Saturday 24th December 1994 e.v.
WORD THOUGHT ACTION
I have not said the dreaded word yet, but then I have not spoken much!
Sunday 3rd December. LBR. It appears I am unable (almost) to say the forbidden word, for it is constantly on my mind – the sore throat I have seems to act as a reminder and I am unable to swallow. Magick – Formula of Tetragrammaton 5.00-8.15 p.m.
In my duty – a high vigilance
Shall let nay, proceed;
That dreaded word, by chance
If uttered: see him bleed!
9.50 p.m. word spoken. Punishment [arm].
10.00 p.m. word spoken. Punishment [Stomach].
Monday 5th December. LBR. 12.45 a.m. word spoken. Punishment. Again at 12.58 a.m. [word spoken twice]. Punished twice.
01.52. a.m. The wretch bore his soul in tears. I had done well until 09.50 p.m. earlier – I was desperately afraid of the punishment! Crowley was cremated on this day in 1947. My throat is still sore. Reading Magick – Tetragrammaton. No word all day apart from those before bed after midnight!
Tuesday 6th December. LBR. 01.15 a.m. said the dreaded word. Punishment [right hip].
02.40 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H.
1.00 p.m. word spoken. Punishment [stomach].
9.45 p.m. possibly said the word, unsure, punished myself anyway [chest].
Wednesday 7th December. LBR. 02.00 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (active form) – 02.10 a.m. then 02.10-02.15 a.m. (passive form). No word all day!
Thursday 8th December. LBR. No word all day!
Friday 9th December. LBR. 02.20 a.m. I felt so close, as if I had singled the thought out and contained it, and then made it into an object! No word all day!
Saturday 10th December. LBR. 02.00 a.m. formula: Abra Had Abra –
Ab the Father (Hadit)
Ra (Solar)
Aleph= key letter
(Abraxas – Ab Ra)
Babalon - AL
Pre 1904:
I.A.O
AUM
Post 1904:
VIAOV [FIAOF]
AUMGN
No word all day! Thinking about the second week of Jugorum. Midnight: the first week [word] of Jugorum has ended and the second week [thought] begins. I will refrain from thinking of a person known to me. I will use the mantra: A.M.P.H. (or Tatwa) and the sign of the Enterer with H.P.K., to banish the forbidden person from my consciousness.
Results for week one – ‘word’.
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thursday Fri Sat
9.50 p.m. 12.45 a.m. 1.00 p.m.
10.00 p.m. 12.58 a.m. 9.45 p.m.
12.58 a.m.
II IV II O O O O
Total= 8.
Sunday 11th December. LBR. 02.00 a.m. I had to resort to the mantra: A.M.P.H. a few time to rid a certain forbidden person from my consciousness, which was successful. Punishment will result if I fail to banish. Astral in the scarlet robe. I continued with ‘breaks’.
Monday 12th December. LBR. 02.47 a.m. As soon as the forbidden enters it is banished automatically on remembering my oath, followed by the LBR and the mantra: A.M.P.H.
Concerning Jugorum and my Oath:
I Word II Thought III Action
Ra-Hoor_Khuit Hoor-Par-Kraat = Manifestation
Nuit
= Speech = Silence
(Active) (Passive)
Heru-Ra-Ha
Horus
AGAPE – LOVE= 93
THELEMA – WILL= 93
Love under will
Nuit – Isis (Nu) female La – Not (31) AL – The/God (31)
Hadit – Osiris (Had) Male ShT (31) Fire (Sh) Force (T)
R.H.K. – Horus (H.R.H.) =LAShTAL= 93
2 sexes in one.
I – The Void II – The Pyramid III – The Summit
The Circle The Triangle Triangle point on the
Circle axis
G.D. S.S. A.A.
Dominus Babe of Mount
Liminus the Abyss Abiegni
[death/ Daath]
= Initiation Resurrection
GOD
I [ISIS] A [APOPHIS] O (OSIRIS)
Tuesday 13th December. LBR. 02.00 a.m. Enter the Temple. Purification [Water], Consecration [Fire]. Invocation of Air Pentagram. Astral rising on the planes. The edge of the torn veil. The Pentagram became an adept, glowing white with arms stretched out as in the Tau (cross). End at 02.30 a.m. Breaks continue.
11.40 p.m. (a) ‘In the beginning was the word’ – The Gospel according to St John.
(b) Thought – contemplation (silence): the wilderness, temptation to stray etc.
(c) ‘word made flesh’ – Action (matter): Man.
Wednesday 14th December. LBR. I attempted to fix the sun and the moon conjoined in my Ajna but was unable to pin it down!
Thought: Word: Action:
Unicorn Horse Ox
Parzival Harpocrates Bacchus
La – not ‘being’ AL – The/God Set [Sh/Fire – T/Force]
Ain ‘being’
31 31 31 =93 AGAPE
Nought of thought LAShTAL THELEMA
LAShTAL
Thursday 15th December. LBR. 01.50 a.m. I formulated my will into an apparatus and thrust it to the quarters. Thought has been quite strange; the first two to three days were not difficult but ‘manifest’ and banishing worked successfully. The following days have been empty of the forbidden thought and so no punishment has been necessary. Also I have noticed since taking the grade of Neophyte I have lost all forms of good luck. I used to be considered a ‘lucky’ person and successful with games of ‘chance’ but now, not at all. As if the ‘lust of result’ is to be avoided and has become instinctive, whether I like it or not!
Friday 16th December. LBR. Thought – very bad and had to punish [left arm].
VOID PYRAMID SUMMIT
(Negative) Binah Kether (Abiegni)
Ain
Saturday 17th December. LBR. 01.45 a.m. Dharana on tip of nose. Successful. Solar Current xvii days. The Book of Lies. Midnight: Thought ends and third week of Jugorum [Action] begins. I will refrain from crossing my legs.
Sunday 18th December. LBR.
12.50 p.m. Punished [stomach].
1.10 p.m. Punished [hip].
1.15 p.m. Punished [left arm] It will be a difficult week!
4.30 p.m. Punished [stomach]
FABRIC= The Son is a Fool to Juggle with the Sun on his Secret chariot!
The Oath fills my mind, yet:
Monday 19th December. LBR.
12.13 a.m. Punished [left arm].
4.35 p.m. Punished [left arm].
Tuesday 20th December. LBR.
12.35 a.m. Punished [left arm].
12.40 a.m. Punished [stomach].
12.45 Punished [left arm].
7.15 p.m. Punished [left arm].
Wednesday 21st December. LBR. Winter Solstice.
12.45 a.m. Punished [stomach].
7.35 p.m. Punished [right arm].
Thursday 22nd December. LBR.
12.40 a.m. Punished [stomach].
3.07 p.m. Almost did forbidden action but remembered my oath.
End of recorded breaks (see table of results). Solar Current xxii days.
Friday 23rd December. LBR. No Punishment today.
Saturday 24th December. LBR. The end of the oath concerning Liber Jugorum. No Punishment today.
Results for third week (Action):
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thursday Fri Sat
4 1 4 2 1 O O
Total= 12.
Sunday 25th December. LBR. A disturbing day! Full of doubts.
Monday 26th December. LBR. Solar Current xxvi days.
Wednesday 28th December. LBR. 02.10 a.m. I entered the Temple robed in scarlet. Pentagram in astral body with rising on the planes. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Used the God-form of H.P.K.
Friday 30th December. LBR. 01.55 a.m. The brute summoned tears at the thought of the forbidden person. Sore throat still bad.
Saturday 31st December. LBR. I saw a black panther rising from the mud and its phallus was extended, like a shiny worm.
8.05 p.m. Hell was let loose! No sense of time – the ‘wanderer in the waste!’ I was found and returned sometime after midnight!
Sunday 1st January 1995. LBR. Feeling very ill today. Emotionally bad. I immersed myself in painting.
Tuesday 3rd January. LBR. Still very ill. I had to rise at 05.30 a.m. and the temperature was minus three degrees. Solar Current xxxiv days.
Friday 6th January. LBR. I hurt my arm. I seem to be physically destroyed.
Saturday 7th January. LBR. I attempted asana and Chakras at 02.10 a.m.
Tuesday 10th January. LBR. My arm is still very painful. I attempted astral with mantra: A.M.P.H. – I am wasting my time! It is too soon!
Saturday 14th January. LBR. 10.00 a.m. Eucharistos.
Friday 20th January. LBR. This dry period is passing and a fire is beginning to glow!
Saturday 21st January. LBR. 02.15 a.m. mantra: A.M.P.H. and Dharana on R.C. [Rosy Cross].
Sunday 22nd January. LBR. Astral form quite good.
Thursday 26th January. LBR. 5.15 p.m. Eucharistos.
Saturday 4th February. LBR. 07.50 a.m. Eucharistos.
Wednesday 8th February. LBR. Rise 05.55 a.m. I had to go to hospital for surgery. Later Hell broke loose again! I do not perform the LBR after this date as I am physically too weak and unable to walk. I immerse myself in Shakespeare.
Tuesday 14th February. LBR begin again but not daily. Emotionally bad.
Thursday 23rd February. LBR.
Churchyard lying all agape:
Have you room to hide my shape!
Friday 24th February. LBR now begins daily. 6.30 p.m. Eucharistos.
Wednesday 1st March. LBR. I received a direct sign concerning the Great Work in the form of Crowley’s Tarot: Thoth!
Thursday 2nd March. LBR. 02.12 a.m. Astral form. Mantra: THERION (very good).
Friday 3rd March. LBR. 09.10 a.m. ‘The Celebration’. 09.55 a.m. Eucharistos. The beginning of the end in Magick – the Vision concerning the ‘Queen of the East’ (as received on Sunday 16th October 1994) is born! LBR continues, unenthusiastically until Friday 19th March and performed for the last time on Saturday 20th March at 02.15 a.m. and the Great Work is abandoned on that day!
Monday 6th March. 08.00 a.m. Fabric – ‘Terrifying!’ There was sunlight and the curtains slowly closed by their selves and all was darkness! I leant over to open them and I was seized around the neck by some ‘entity’. I was paralysed, no limbs or any muscle could I move! Only my brain still functioned. It was difficult to breathe and I declared: ‘If it is thy will, take me!’ I am but a miniscule speck in the cosmos – perhaps this is the elusive Samadhi? I came back to the physical to find myself actually attempting to choke myself with my hands around my neck! A very frightening experience!
Tuesday 14th March. LBR. 09.35 a.m. Eucharistos. All is forsaken!
Thursday 23rd March. 07.55 Eucharistos. An attempt at reviving my flagging interest. LBR done early in mornings in the astral form but enthusiasm is lacking.
Friday 7th April. 11.25 a.m. Eucharistos. LBR etc.
Saturday 8th April. Liber Legis part I.
Sunday 9th April. Liber Legis part II.
Monday 10th April. Liber Legis part III.
Tuesday 11th April. Fabric vision again, the same as Monday 6th March, frightening but without physical choking. LVX very strong. I saw an old woman opening a door to a courtyard.
Friday 14th April. Confused! Tearful! Emotionally bad! Torn by love and the O=O. LBR continues daily in the astral form.
Saturday 15th April. Magick has been almost completely removed from me, and I feel no loss! It is as if something has presented itself to me in the form of a person [Queen of the East] and those ‘secret chiefs’ have decided I am to experience more of the world before I can continue with the Great Work. I took my mind from it and on Tuesday 18th April I threw myself into learning to play the piano and learning Russian!
Thursday 20th April 1995 e.v. LBR performed for the last time at 02.15 a.m. and the Great Work is abandoned! (16)
Table of Results in Breaks*
Date Time Begin Subject Time End Duration Breaks
26.11.94 08.25 a.m. Prithivi 08.35 a.m. 10 mins 8
Tatwa
27.11.94 08.10 a.m. Akasa 08.25 a.m. 10 mins 7
Tatwa
29.11.94 08.00 a.m. R.C. 08.10 a.m. 10 mins 5
01.12.94 08.25 a.m. Teja 08.35 a.m. 10 mins 7
Tatwa
02.12.94 08.10 a.m. Apas 08.20 a.m. 10 mins 5
Tatwa
03.12.94 08.00 a.m. Vayu 08.10 a.m. 10 mins 5
Tatwa
04.12.94 08.15 a.m. R.C. 08.25 a.m. 10 mins 6
06.12.94 08.40 a.m. Prithivi 08.50 a.m. 10 mins 6
Tatwa
09.12.94 08.43 a.m. R.C. 08.58 a.m. 15 mins 5
11.12.94 08.53 a.m. Star 09.00 a.m. 7 mins 5
13.12.94 08.45 a.m. Air of 08.57 a.m. 12 mins 1
Earth
14.12.94 08.30 a.m. Ether of 08.40 a.m. 10 mins 2
Fire
15.12.94 08.15 a.m. Sun/Moon 08.25 a.m. 10 mins 4
Conjoined
16.12.94 08.00 a.m. Water of 08.10 a.m. 10 mins 6
Earth
17.12.94 08.00 a.m. Fire of 08.07 a.m. 7 mins 2
Air
22.12.94 08.05 a.m. Pistons 08.15 a.m. 10 mins 5
*A ‘Break’ is a wandering of thought during meditation, especially when the mind is locked upon some chosen symbol or image [Dharana].
Notes:
1. For an explanation of the Temple see ‘Magick’, by Aleister Crowley: Chapter 18: Of Clairvoyance and the Body of Light. [p. 261 in the John Symonds and Kenneth Grant 1973 Guild Publishing edition]. In reference to the O=O (Neophyte) ceremony, the rituals are found in Israel Regardie’s ‘The Golden Dawn: An Account of the Teachings, Rites and Ceremonies of the Order of the Golden Dawn’ (Llewellyn’s Golden Dawn series) 1971. [1989 ed].
2. Incubus: a male demon who lies upon the sleeping female and attempts sexual intercourse, although cases of an incubus preying upon a male sleeper are not unheard of! Succubus: the female counterpart.
3. Because of this judgement period, which I had not expected to take the form it did, I was unable to do the simplest things, in fact, I was barred from almost all magical activity by ‘outside forces’.
4. ‘Examine from within and without!’ This phrase stresses the importance of the adept’s continual self awareness, both internal (thought) and external (action). ‘Also present for the judgement, disappearing after the Oath, are the Invisible Stations of the 42 Assessors. These god-forms are more like accusers than assessors, as the deceased in the Book of the Dead is required to deny to each one of them a particular crime or fault in the “Negative Confession”. In the O=O temple these gods are represented through visualisation by the officers, reinforced by other members present. Contemplation of these and the other god-forms and stations will enhance experience of the ceremony and facilitate the establishing of the Neophyte energies in all participants’. [The Golden Dawn: Volume II Book Two. Israel Regardie. Sixth Edition. 1989. – Introduction to the Neophyte Ceremony. p. 115]
5. During the judgement there was a definite ‘self disgust’ for the work which I can only relate as the ‘Apophis’ stage of I.A.O.
6. Neophyte Grade – Dark night of the soul and the Last day of Judgement. This was an unavoidable event; the darkness before illumination; an intense night of introspection yet I was shown my own weaknesses by an exterior power, as indeed did the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Christmas’s yet to come show Scrooge the error of his ways! It is an inevitable obstacle of initiation and peculiar to each individual.
7. Birmingham, England, United Kingdom.
8. E.V. [era vulgar] in the common year, i.e. the Christian era.
9. An XC – the 90th Year in the Aeon of Horus, beginning 1904.
10. Nostoc or ‘witches butter’. ‘Star jelly’: The nostoc (a product of the moon) is more like semen than dew and comes from the Greek nox: night (darkness). This nostoc comes to earth during the night and stays only for a short period until the sun removes it: Nostos: Greek for ‘return’. In the Greek myths the return home was known as the ‘nostoi’. ‘Nos’= the imagination and ‘Stoch’ is to aim. The ejaculation of semen [Nostoc] is not used in the making of a child, but at the drawing into one’s sphere a higher energy – the Quintessence, which is a solar energy.
The Three Principles: Salt – understanding (the moon and the sun), its symbol is the circle with a horizontal line through the middle. Mercury – emotional sphere (the sun and the moon), its symbol is the horned circle with a cross at the base. Sulphur – will (only one, it is neither sun nor moon), its symbol is the upward pointing triangle with a cross at the base.
Magnesia: belongs to the high etheric realm, (Virgin’s Milk/Mother’s Milk) the Lac Virginis to the Alchemists. It is a pure white water which becomes the Virgin’s heart’s blood – asexual and watery by nature; transparent like quick-silver, it is not animal, vegetable nor mineral. It is said that it does not wet the human hand and comes from the fountain of ‘Holmat’ [‘Le Mystere des Cathedrales’ – Fulcanelli]. It is the liquid that pours forth from the side of the crucified Christ! True initiates are said not to have tears as there is no salt for they understand [Binah] everything!
The Celestial Dew of the Alchemists are the emissions of the Phallus (Capricorn) and the Kteis (Cancer) [Pe = 100. Kaph = 20 – (Pisces, Qoph). Kaph Pe – KPh = Kteis Phallos]. Qoph – the number of illusion; Sud – the secret eye which sees beyond illusion.
11. I found this works better for Dharana.
12. L.... B.... I shall refrain from identifying this person.
13. A premonition concerning E. V. K – the’ Queen of the East!’ (see also 16).
14. For an account of Crowley’s ‘Star Sponge’ vision see the Confessions, Chapter 82, p. 810-811.
15. Liber Jugorum – the Book of the Yoke, written in 1910. See ‘Magick’.
16. It was later discovered that there was an imbalance within my nature and I was not allowed to proceed further with the Great Work until this was addressed. And so the decision was made for me. I was presented with the reality of my vision concerning ‘the Queen of the East’ and I embraced the notion of romantic love and my world was turned upside down.
My world was fallen and over, for soft dark eyes on it shone;
A thousand years it had waited, and now it is over and gone!
[In Memory Of Your Dream One July Night by W B Yeats]
In the same year I suffered great loss at the death of a loved one and still I was not allowed to return to the Great Work! I left everything that was familiar to me and moved to London where I studied on a degree course. It would be five years before the imbalance would be corrected and I was again, by subtle means, enticed back to the Great Work by those Secret Chiefs!
Love is the Law, love under will.
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