THE WAND OF SILENCE
Excerpts from the Magickal Diaries
There is no very sharp distinction between the two branches of
the Art. It cannot be said, even, that black Magic is invariably
and White Magic occasionally evil.
The Book of Ceremonial Magic. A.E. Waite. 1911.
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
It was in the year of 1988, on Saturday 19th November that I received into my hands Aleister Crowley’s ‘Magick in Theory and Practice’, and for me it confirmed many such ‘theories’ that I had long believed. The book hinted at worlds I had long known existed and dimensions I knew to be beyond the veil. The book contained energy of its own and to hold it in my hands I felt it surge through me. I had never felt that with any other book or object before. I regarded the book with a religious awe, the kind one would feel towards a Holy Book of scriptures and for me this was a ‘Holy Book’ of great distinction. It seemed to be a key both literally and in a way that spoke of chemical, astral, physical and spiritual changes. It unlocked for me a system that I wanted to understand more and to be able to control. It took some time before I could feel I truly ‘possessed’ the book in the physical sense as it had such a strong force of its own existence. I pored over it and practically lived within its pages. Many years later, when times were hard and I needed to eat, I was forced to sell my whole book collection on Crowley, including a full set of The Equinox, yet I chose to ‘sacrifice’ the book (Magick) rather than let another hand hold its pages! But for now, the book was my constant companion.
Something of a ‘magical nature’ must have occurred on the night of Thursday 6th July 1989 because the following day I wrote that ‘the night had been cruel’ which I take to mean there was some spiritual struggle within me; a ‘night of the soul’ and I wrote the words ‘Do What Thou Wilt’. It is the first time the words occur and I take it as a definite declaration that my course had been set and this night, whatever really happened, had shown me the way forward on this journey.
In January 1991 I had been attempting various experiments from Magick, such as Asana (1) and Pranayama (2). I also used the Tatwas (3). In May I was throwing myself into an almost daily routine, which included reading Magick and Mystical Yoga exercises. On Wednesday 3rd of July I began reading Colin Wilson’s ‘The Nature of the Beast’ and on Saturday 6th of July I recorded a breakthrough in my diary! In my asana I explored the aethyr of Air (4). After a while I felt the presence of a male figure. His skin was blue and his head was bald. I was told he was the elemental King of the Sylphs (5). On the Saturday morning I had a dream in which I walked a vast city, in pursuit of someone and there were lots of small dogs. After this, on Monday 8th July I record that ‘ASNIA’ (6) was formed this week. I remember it was a very intense week which was filled by moments of Kundalini (7). The ASNIA is that part of my nature which belongs to the sexual dimension of the Great Work which resides in my being. It is an expression of Pan and the Greek Gods and also of Venus. By Wednesday the 10th I had reached an internal frenzy and I had immersed myself in witchcraft. I was continuing the daily meditations which I see now was not as structured as it should have been, but I was alone and climbing this peak by myself, any damn way I could!
On Tuesday 16th of July I purchased ‘Liber Al vel Legis’, The Book of the Law (8) and I began to read! It was such a revelation and an awakening to me! By the following Thursday 18th I was once again in the grip of a constant state of Kundalini! It was much stronger than before and burst upon me like a gigantic wave of energy. By Monday the Kundalini had subsided and the intense active energy had ended! But it was a revelation to me both spiritually and sexually; I had always assumed a link between physical energy and magickal/spiritual energy, and I had glimpsed its awful power! Throughout August I was reading Magick and Liber Legis daily. On Saturday 17th of August I had a vision of a naked man with golden skin sitting on top of a mountain, looking out. It was hot, the sky was blue and the man had his back toward me.
In the following year I decided to continue my magickal studies very seriously and all magickal workings were shown in the diary for 1992 by the sign of the sun and moon conjoined. It is a year in which my magickal persona dawns; and it marks ‘the end of the brute, and the birth of an adept!’
On Saturday 18th of January I bought Crowley’s ‘Confessions’ and began to read it with complete fascination. The book, along with Magick became my guiding light. By Friday 24th I had recorded this in my diary:
4. a.m. Asana: legs crossed and held in the air. I focused on a red triangle and felt myself fall into the darkness by a spiral motion. My eyes suddenly became illuminated. I thought I had accidentally opened them and had to check they were still closed, which they were. I saw myself lying on the bed wearing colourful cheque tweed trousers. Then a head appeared at the end of the bed, in silhouette, descending quietly. There was no time and no space, but I felt that hours had passed in the interval. On opening my eyes I checked the time with my torch and saw it was 4.10 am. I had pierced the veil!
On Tuesday 28th I bought ‘777 & other Qabalistic Writings of Aleister Crowley’, and by Sunday 2nd of February I made reference to the Ritual of Abramelin (9) in the diary as something I must aspire towards! It was a declaration, of a rudimentary sort which showed my determination. On Monday 24th I wrote ‘Asnia and Asnya are now established’. It is strange to look back at this statement for it seems as if I were a child attempting to carry electricity in a bucket!
I wrote to Mandrake Press and the Sorcerers Apprentice on Monday 6th of April for catalogues of books they have in stock. I observed the Holy Days of 8, 9 and 10th of April, reading Liber Legis accordingly. I received the Mandrake catalogue on the 8th and the Sorcerers Apprentice on the 10th. On Sunday 12th I got into my asana (right leg crossed over left) and opened the chakras (10). I focused on a violet triangle suspended at my third eye and used an expansion and contraction method which I discovered for myself and found it worked well. It lasted for 30 minutes and the position was very cramped. For some reason during the early hours my ‘locked’ door opened and I repeated the experiment on Saturday 18th at 2.35 a.m. I found it extremely painful and I managed 25 minutes. On Monday 11th of May I received ‘The Book of Lies’ and ‘Diary of a Drug Fiend’ from Mandrake Press, which I began to read. On Wednesday 13th I finished Book of Lies and began Drug Fiend (which I finished on Saturday 23rd). In my asana, using the expansion and contraction method, combined with fingers locked in mudra (11), I saw this appear on a piece of paper before me:
On Monday 1st of June I was reading Huxley’s ‘Doors of Perception’ and on Wednesday 24th I received Crowley’s ‘Eight Lectures on Yoga’ and ‘AHA’. From the following day I perform my asana every night/morning. By Monday 6th of July I had decided upon a probationary name: Nosce te Ipsom (know thyself), but I was still not ready to take that step. By Friday I received books on Crowley’s ‘Goetia’ and ‘Enochian Magic’ which I read avidly.
I was also experimenting with ‘invisibility’, not the conjuror’s trick but the real ‘art’ and I had some success in this (and so did my brother it appears!) We often found that people failed to observe us and would ordinarily walk right through us if they didn’t see us at the last moment; this could happen in a wide open space such as a park; with all the space to choose from they would still plot a course which ran through where we would be. It was strange and we could almost do this at will!
On Friday 31st after reading Appendix II of Magick I got into my asana (left leg bent behind me, heel touching anus. Right leg stretched; hands on thighs). I focused on the words: ‘I am breathing in… I am breathing out’. I used a breathing cycle of Inhale for 5 and exhale for 10. This was a good rhythm. After a time I began to recite my mantra: A.M.P.H. (Aum Mani Padme Hum) (12). I noticed my hands became very numb; I felt they were still there but not physically, as if in memory only. This feeling travelled all over my body and I felt as if I were floating, evaporating into the cosmos. Still repeating the mantra, things appeared, such as a city of pyramids, very black. There was no pain at the end. Unfortunately I did not record the time. Asana and experiments continued and by August and September I was reading Arthur Machen’s stories and M.R. James’ ghost stories. On Monday 28th of September I received ‘The Book of the Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage’ and Crowley’s ‘Heart of the Master’, both from Mandrake. On Saturday 3rd of October I noted:
Asnia Soham Nocod Isro Adna: Cursed, whom thy servants promise obedience!
The Magickal Word of the aeon came to me at 11.10 am. on Thursday 29th of October (the current) as three words in one: OOO
e.g. Hadit ABRA HAD ABRA
Along with my asana practices I incorporated the Tatwas daily. On Friday 6th I received Crowley’s ‘Mothers Tragedy’ and began reading his ‘Moonchild’ the next day. On the 26th I was reading T.C. Lethbridge’s book on ‘ESP’, and so another year passes.
Sweet Wizard, in whose footsteps I have trod
Unto the shrine of the most obscene god,
The Triumph of Pan. Victor Neuburg. 1910.
In the beginning of the year 1993, I noted in the diary that whenever I am out I feel as if I am being watched and stared at, as if other people can see something in me I am not aware of; I try to cover it by singing to myself, laughing or humming which must make things appear worse. Also, and more tiresome is the fact that my mind will not allow my body to turn to the left, if so, I have to turn the opposite way as soon as I realise this. It is all to do with the laws of equilibrium. If I enter on the left I exit by the left also. As you can imagine, on a particularly ‘bad’ day a short journey can become quite long, and often did so! I cannot make loops with my body motion, therefore throughout any given day I am aware of the direction my body is pointing and I can account for all my steps and even at the end of the day reverse my progress to the point of waking. I have found this very useful in the training of Magick, especially Ceremonial Magick.
It was on Thursday 4th of February that I received from Mandrake Press, ‘The Golden Dawn’ by Israel Regardie. I was in a state of depression which had been escalating for some time so it was a great sign to me! There had been a lot of ‘strange’ activity in the house: My brother had been complaining of seeing ‘misty shapes’ in his room and lights all over the house keep flickering. There were strange noises in the mornings and often things would get misplaced or moved around. But it was this day Thursday 4th of February and the following day at 3.36 a.m. that I sought the truth. I pleaded with the Master of the Aeon; I had an ordinary task to perform (on Thursday 4th) and I requested the power of Invisibility, which was granted to me. I had received proof of the efficacy of the Great Work and that is why I designated this day, Thursday the 4th of February, 1993 as the beginning of my Magickal Probation which will last for one year; it is the first step toward Neophyte whereby I shall furnish the Temple for the coming of the Light!
On Saturday 6th of February I was busy learning the first knowledge lecture of the Golden Dawn and studying Hebrew. I began that night with exercises in the ‘four-fold breath (13) and the tatwas. On Saturday 13th I recorded that I had been studying pentagrams and geomancy and that a strange feeling descends upon me, a sort of glow beginning at the head and descending but when I notice it happening, it stops. I had been studying the various pentagrams and their uses and the relationships with the tatwas etc, these I used in meditations. On Wednesday 17th I began learning the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram (14) and on Monday 1st of March I noted a ‘turning point’ where I performed the Ritual astrally as opposed to physically, (this was actually at 2 a.m. on Tuesday 2nd). As of Wednesday 3rd of March I performed the Lesser Banishing Ritual (invoking) every morning physically and the Lesser Banishing Ritual (banishing) every night physically. I would continue to do this without fail, except for serious sickness throughout the year of probation.
On Thursday 11th of March I did a diagram to show the expansion and contraction of the universe:
LIFE DEATH AFTERLIFE LIFE IN REVERSE
Forward backwards mirror image
On Monday 15th of March at 8.50 a.m. I received a vision, the likes of which I had not received before. This would occur frequently from this day and because of its intensity and quality of texture I called them ‘Fabric Visions’. This first ‘fabric’ concerned horses being transferred from one field to another; men wearing caps with rolled-up shirt sleeves. The vision was circa 1840 and I heard the place ‘Belfast’ mentioned. Later that day, I found myself learning various forms of Magickal gestures! (15) I learnt the Golden Dawn 2nd knowledge lecture on Monday 29th and Tuesday 30th of March. On Monday 5th I was continuing with the 2nd knowledge lecture and on the next day my brother complained of more noises in his room; at 3.45 a.m. he ran out the room after some disturbance in which a ‘force’ threw something to the floor. My brother and I have often seen the curious shifting light in that room as children, it has a propulsion of its own, a living entity. I would guess that a death has occurred in the upper rooms of the house in the past [this was later confirmed as fact]. On the days of 8, 9, and 10th of April I observed the Holy Days by reading Liber Legis and writing poetry. On Saturday the 10th I began the beginnings of a formula which I would later return to:
ASNIA 1+60+50+10+1=122 (1+2+2=5)
ASNYA 1+60+50+10+1=122 (1+2+2=5)
ASNEA 1+60+50+5+1=126 (1+2+6=9)
ASNA 1+60+50+1=112 (1+1+2=4)
Amma Sobam Nocod Isro Adna [Ah-em-mah, So-bah-mee, Noh-koh-dah, Ee-ess-roh, Ah-dah-nah. Ah-ess-nee-ah. ]
That night I got into my asana and used ‘abrahadabra’ (16) as my mantra. This I would do each night after the Lesser Banishing Ritual, and also use the tatwas. Here is an example:
Thursday 15th of April. After LBR (ban). 3.45. a.m. I invoke Spirit passive. Asana: Thunderbolt position. Breathing: in 7, out 14. (20-30 minutes). Felt as if my right hand disappeared, cramp set in left leg. Felt like the end of the world, quiet and still. It was hard to fight the boredom which descended upon me but I persevered. Before I finished I heard a sound outside my door, the stairs creaked and a voice which seemed to cackle, lasted what I thought to be a long time. Then all was quiet and it seemed easier to concentrate now; images flooded my brain of a landscape, vast and limitless. I felt so insignificant. I banished the Spirit passive.
On Monday 19th of April I received ‘Thelema’ from Mandrake Press. On the following day I was reading Liber LXV. On Saturday the 24th I wrote: ‘asana. I feel I am on a magickal awakening. I am retracing my shoddy steps and furnishing myself with due knowledge’; it then continues: ‘asana: left leg under right, right leg crossed over. Right hand on right knee, left hand on left foot. Began at 3.10. a.m. and ended at 3.45. a.m. I endured the pain; I could have gone on for longer but decided not to. Images came into my head rapidly (a row of heads or face masks, 6 in total. Last one was green and had cat-like large eyes).
From this day my recording of ‘asanas’ and ‘exercises’ are almost daily:
Sun 25th April. Asana: same position as 24th. 8.40-9.10. p.m. Pain begins 9.05. p.m.
Mon 26th April. Asana: position as before. 3.40-4.30. p.m. severe pain in left foot at the end (and right knee).
Tue 27th April. Asana: position as before. 2.00-2.40. p.m. After 30 minutes pain begins.
On Wednesday 28th of April 1993 I had a Magickal breakthrough: I discovered a certain aspect to the meaning of ASNIA at 4.20. p.m.:
I . A . O
AIN S A S NIA
soph aur soph
S A BAF (IAO)
60 1 216=70
NOT- (nothingness. Void)………...O
Ain Soph- (no limit)………………………OO
Ain Soph Aur- (the limitless light)……………………………………………..OOO
On Friday 30th of April a new force came into existence the likes of which I cannot record here. I did my asana (left leg under anus, right leg bent with raised knee: this is my position and I shall refer to it as the position of Pan) from 2-3. p.m
Tue 4th of May. Asana: Pan. 3.55-4.45. p.m. Pranayama: in 10, out 20. (Not eaten). Pain intense after 35 minutes in right hip and right knee; pain in left foot was unbearable.
Wed 5th of May. Asana: Pan. 3.55-4.25. p.m. Reading 777. Gemutriah.
Fri 7th of May. Asana: Pan. 12.45-1.25. p.m. Stomach empty. The next day I am studying Ceremonial Magick.
Sun 9th of May. Asana: Pan. 9.20-10.15. a.m. The last 10 minutes were excruciating; I could not do one hour! Began sweating profusely at 10.10.
Mon 10th of May. Asana: Pan. 2.00- 2.55. a.m. Weather: thunder. Became cramped at 02.30 and in agony by 02.45. Sweating, breathing became uneven; I felt on the borderline of consciousness. Pain in left foot, right knee, right thigh and right buttock. Slight pain in right foot.
Tue 11th of May. Asana: Pan. 2-2.30. pm. Interrupted!
Wed 12th of May. Asana: Pan. 1.55-2.55. a.m. Pain after 30 minutes. Last 10 minutes very painful.
Thur 13th of May. I was granted proof of my Magick after LBR and LVX Rituals physically performed.
Fri 14th of May. Asana: Pan. 1.55-2.45. a.m. Interrupted, thus did not complete one hour.
Sat 15th of May. Reading Magick, Appendix II.
Tue 18th of May. Asana: Pan. 2-2.35. a.m.
Fri 21st of May. Asana: Pan. 2-2.45. a.m. Pain in left heel.
Sat 22nd of May. ‘The struggle is nearly over; just time to slay old dragons and have the courage to follow this chosen path!’ this is a reference to the struggle between conflicting ideas within my ego; the old demons of the past which re-occur and do not allow me to move forwards. These are to be ‘slayed’.
Wed 26th of May. Asana: Pan. 7.10-7.40. pm. Feeling unwell, conjunctivitis, tired.
Fri 28th of May. Asana: Pan. 2-3. a.m. Still unwell. Conjunctivitis.
Mon 14th of June. Items were found on the floor and the kettle boiled dry and no explanation at 8 am. On the night of Saturday 12th I created an ‘energy mass’ using the solar plexus and I hope this is not the cause of the disturbance. If so I will have to re-absorb it. I have not done Magickal work recently as I have sworn an oath not to until a certain matter is fulfilled. I later re-absorbed the energy.
Sat 19th of June. I intend to incorporate the R.C. (Rosy Cross) Ritual (17) into my work and possibly prepare for Neophyte Ritual.
Tue 6th of July. Asana. 11.25-11.43. a.m. Chakras.
Fri 9th of July. Received Crowley’s ‘Rites of Eleusis’. On the following day I wrote out some rituals: R.C. Ritual. Star Ruby Ritual. Read Rite of Jupiter.
Sat 10th of July. Read Rite of Mars and Rite of Sol.
Mon 12th of July. Asana: Legs crossed. 2-3. p.m. Pain in right foot at 2.45. Read Rites of Venus, Mercury and Luna. The following day was spent learning the Star Ruby Ritual and reading M.R. James.
On Monday 26th and Tuesday 27th. I performed the Star Ruby Ritual and later in my asana: Pan, I did an exercise which used Pingala (18) and the mantra: A.M.P.H. This lasted 15 minutes. I then did the Middle Pillar exercise (19) and the Star Ruby Ritual.
Wed 4th of Aug. Invocation at 1.30 pm. I used the Water pentagram and the Water symbol. It rained at 3 pm and I banish it at 10 pm.
Wed 11th of Aug. Intended to attempt 30th Aethyr but decided against it until tomorrow.
Thur 12th, Feast day. Performed the Lesser Banishing Ritual at 7.15 a.m. and repeated the 19th call: TEX, vibrating the names of the Governors (20). It went very well and ended at 11.10 a.m. where I performed the LBR (banishing).
Mon 16th, preparation for the 29th Aethyr: RII.
Wed 18th, water pentagram established at 2.10 p.m. The rains came down at 5.55 p.m.
Tue 24th, the complete volumes of ‘The Equinox’ arrived from Mandrake Press (they were left on the doorstep as if they were something unimportant!) I began reading Equinox volume III, number 1. Asana: legs crossed, stomach raised, hands clenched. LBR, breathing steady. I used the words ‘Love is the Law, Love under Will’ written on a large white page and as I read downwards the letters increased in size. I experienced a whirling sensation and spasms or ‘stomach jumps’; I definitely felt on the brink of something. I will try again tomorrow night.
Wed 25th, water pentagram. Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente & Master of the Temple to section V. Asana: lying flat on back. Breathing: in 9, hold 4, out 9, hold 4. Managed ten minutes of this!
Thur 26th, completed Master of the Temple.
Fri 27th of Aug 1993. 29th Aethyr (21). After the LBR I made the call at 8.45 a.m. At 9.15 a.m. In my asana: legs crossed, hands gripped together with the first fingers pointing upwards. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 9.15-10.09 a.m. Breathing cycle: in 9, hold 4, out 9, hold 4. Some minor breaks. Chakras, Kundalini. Lost time… my hands felt as if they were rising towards my face (body in suspension sensation). I saw the white head and shoulders of a hairless man, turn to face me. I make the appropriate pentagram to him and everything became illuminated by white light (LVX). A black veil opened (22) and I saw ‘plumes of heat’ like particles from the sun, boiling spumes etc. Then I saw a corner of a white room with a white door with glass panels. There were white ‘amoebic’ shapes. I had a ‘break’ of a flower opening, not actual but suggested, very quickly in the brain. I could look around and have use of my senses with complete control; I could think, speak and move at will. The duration of the exercise lasted 56 minutes (NU=56: NUIT). Lege Libellum (Light) from The Equinox.
Sat 28th, Crowley’s ‘Last Ritual’ from Mandrake Press arrived. Lege Libellum (Light) & Khabs am Pekht.
Wed 1st of September, The Equinox: Seven Portals. Asana: Pan 9.50-10.30 p.m. Pain in left leg became unbearable. I was ‘lured into the falsities of pain!’ Actual pain took hold 30 minutes into the practice = total 40 minutes. I plan to deprive myself from the sense of hearing and use the 4 fold breath. This morning I dreamt that my uncle H---- was shaking my hand; I took it to mean that he would die soon. [In fact it would appear that his wife, my aunt L--- would die and he would soon follow]
Sat 4th, asana: Dragon. 12.55 p.m. Breath in (stomach out) breath out (stomach in) - 1.00. 5 minutes duration. It became easy to keep the rhythm; not my usual asana though I do like the Dragon posture as it keeps the spine rigid. Breathing was quite rapid and I felt on the threshold of unconsciousness, but that was not the point of the exercise, which was: to concentrate the mind on 2 aspects of breathing in a given duration (5 minutes) of rapid inhalation and exhalation, with the concentration set on the rise and fall of the chest cavity. Asana: legs crossed 12.10 a.m. (Sun 5th) -1 a.m.
Mon 6th, Kenneth Anger’s Inauguration of the Pleasure dome.
Wed 8th, Golden Dawn Knowledge Lectures and Tarot.
Sat 11th, Abramelin.
Sun 12th, strange Magickal occurrences are happening almost daily.
Mon 13th, Kenneth Anger’s Scorpio Rising. Asana: Pan. 4-4.30 p.m. I felt a burning sensation in my left hand and right leg after 15 minutes. Not painful, more a pleasant glow as if I had walked twenty miles. The pain came at the end of the practice, mostly right leg at the knee and top of thigh. I also felt very sleepy; I could have done more but I stated I would do 30 minutes and 30 minutes I did! Also stomach empty.
Wed 15th, LBR. Astral journey.
Sat 18th, reading 777 tables.
Mon 20th, Kenneth Anger’s Kustom Kar Kommando’s.
Tue 21st, Performed a secret rite which I later carried out in its initial stage.
Wed 22nd, Performed the second part of the Rite.
Sat 25th, asana: Pan. 8.10-8.58 a.m. Duration= 48 minutes. Pain at 8.45 which became severe and I felt a sort of thunderous charge travel through my body in bursts. I intended to do an hour but it was too painful and I was also disturbed. Pain in right knee and hip, left foot numb.
Sun 26th, asana: legs crossed and arms folded on chest. 2.35 a.m. LBR. Breathing smooth for count of 8 and imagined my body in front of me, robed in scarlet and carrying the wand. I transferred to it and looked at my earth body. I rose into the air with my feet together and arms at my sides. The right hand holds the wand. I said ‘take me earthwards!’ and I re-entered my body.
Tue 28th, past life regression attempts.
Sat 2nd of October. Asana: dragon. 12.15-12.25 p.m. (12.15-12.20 right thumb, right nostril; 12.20-12.25 left thumb, left nostril). Toes bent inwards. Pain and gentle sweating. I performed the asana on a small one-and-a-half to two foot table. I thought: I am looking into from outside! But I was inside looking out (facing the window). Pain in feet at end 12.25. The Law is for All: Comments. Asana: Reversed Pan. 9.05-10.15 p.m. I didn’t really notice I was doing asana until 40 minutes had passed by; I had just naturally slipped into it unaware. Extreme pain when I unfolded myself. Duration: 1 hour, 10 minutes.
Mon 4th, preparing for the 28th Aethyr, also plans for the Neophyte Ritual: ‘I seek Initiation!’
Tue 5th, ‘Do what thou wilt…’ are the first words that issue from my mouth upon waking; the first vocal vibration as an act of prayer. ‘Love is the law…’ are the last words spoken before sleep. This I do daily.
Wed 6th, reading The Equinox III, Master of the Temple. Asana: Pan. 9.04-9.55 p.m. Duration: 51 minutes. Rhythmic breathing: (‘breath-in, breath-out). Pain start at 9.45. If I were alone in the room the pain would have made me shout out! I was on the threshold of sweating. At the end there was pain in the right leg, thigh and ankle. I took 5 minutes to rest the legs before I could walk. Those 5 minutes between 9.50 and 9.55 seemed to take forever but the pain was almost enjoyable at 9.45! Once more: ‘I seek Initiation!’
Sat 9th. Book of Lies. Asana: Pan. 7.05-8.05 p.m. The pain began at 7.45 and the minutes 8-8.05 were terrifying! Pain in right ankle, knee and thigh.
Sun 10th. 3 a.m. I felt as if I were the last man on earth. I felt on the threshold of something as I sat in bed, yet I knew not what! Mantra: A.M.P.H. after LBR. Began mantra at 3 a.m. and my mouth was quite watery; after 15 minutes my mouth was as dry as the desert. I did not count the breaks: fool that I am! I felt that I was a table in a room, where the surface was my mind, smooth and ready to accept ornamentation: fruit bowl, flowers etc. I must keep a more detailed record of breaks!
3.48 p.m. I feel for the first time in my life that I am all microcosm in the macrocosm (23). Solitude… matter and motion… Though I must judge falsities for truth, this and the previous exercises of Sat 9th and Sun 10th have only strengthened my vigilance and courage in the fight for existence. Thelema shall rise above Love! The H.G.A. (Holy Guardian Angel) (24) spoke so much of, ‘shall be conversed’ and ‘ye shall know NOT’.
Asana: Legs crossed. 8-8.30 p.m. and later at 9.05-9.55 (same asana). Pain after 30 minutes.
Mon 11th October. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 2.35-2.45 a.m. (5 breaks).
Wed 13th October. After the LBR. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 2.45 a.m. Chakras. Rhythmic breathing. LIGHT-LVX-DHYANA (25), I cannot tell if I am breathing in or out, it felt like one huge inhalation or exhalation; I also felt pressure on my chest. I felt dry and hot with a sensation of floating which lasted longer than I’d experienced it before. ‘I have gone beyond that which I could not penetrate. Raining and windy outside; I heard the window tap which increased and focused the DHARANA (26). My mind seemed elevated to a higher consciousness; the breath seemed cold on inhalation: like ‘life’ awakening the ‘death’ in ‘resurrection’; or electricity! My stomach was empty; my being felt as if it were in a tumbling void, formless and timeless; my skin could have been any shape or shapeless, there were no boundaries to conform to as in the physical structure. I felt that I could have gone on much further with this, but the practice ended. When I began I noticed there was a strong illumination (my eyes were closed) which I have experienced a few times, a white light which floods the brain and senses as if drowning in it and penetrated by it; like a beam in the night sky. During asana my body was rigid in a straight, lying position. A lot has happened since Sat 9th October e.v. [era vulgari: the common era] I sought Initiation – I was granted Initiation!
Sat 16th October. Songs of the Spirit. Asana: Pan. 8-8.40 p.m. The pain began earlier than usual at 8.25; quite severe in the right leg.
Sun 17th October. LBR. Chakras. 2.40 a.m. Weather: very cold outside and cold in the Temple. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I had the sensation that my head was high in the clouds and my body was separate from it on the ground, but still connected; it was a struggle to think of my body and to contemplate it belonging to me, likewise, it was difficult to think of my head as part of my body. It was as if my head were a balloon on a string, or a kite soaring far from me.
Tue 19th October. After LBR, chakras and mantra: A.M.P.H. 2.10-2.20 a.m.
Wed 20th October. After LBR, chakras. 2.10-2.20 a.m. Failed to get results.
Sun 24th October. 3.20 a.m. I lost all consciousness of myself; I was awake yet I knew not who I was or where I was; I had lost the means of existence and the grip on reality which holds us in the present. I was nothingness in a void!
Wed 27th October. 4 or 5 a.m. I looked into a mirror and saw my astral body. I was on a warehouse roof and there were French girls dressed as waitresses; I was at the window ledge when a voice said: ‘Do you want to wake up?’ The question was repeated and I heard a loud scream in my left ear which woke me up. I was sweating, my eyes were open. I felt exhausted as if I had been in a great struggle; in fact, I struggled with madness this night: I did not win, but I did not lose either! There was difficulty in opening my eyes, which took some time. I really believed that a ‘madness’ was upon me! At the window, my astral body was near to me, but the voice in my left ear: could it have been some disembodied entity? Or perhaps my H.G.A. And was it the same ‘presence’ that helped me to escape the vision as the one who forced me into it? All I know is there was genuine fear of the unknown at the mirror which I endured, but I never answered ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the question ‘Do you want to wake up?’, it was a conscious decision made on my part by an external force: I feared for my sanity. I had not planned to go to this place yet I was abducted from sleep! Before this happened I was having difficulty sleeping so I tried to relax my mind and let random images flow into it, but I kept hearing music and my eyes naturally rose up into my head. I made a conscious effort to stop them doing so which created a sort of rocking motion in my head. Also the voice came to the left ear which was exposed as I was lying on my right side.
Sun 31st October. Halloween. Asana: Lotus position (I have been trying this position for short periods) 9.25-9.35 p.m. I was situated in my brother’s room (the haunted room) in the dark listening to Danse Macabre, Night on the Bare Mountain and Sorcerers’ Apprentice. I did not feel alone at all. Ended at 9.45 p.m.
Mon 1st November. Asana: Pan. 11.05-11.40 a.m. Painful after 15 minutes and I literally became ecstatic with pain!
Tue 2nd November. LBR. 2.25 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. No effect too tired. Asana: Pan. 8.35-9.05 p.m. I intended to do one hour but I was disturbed. Magick: Bloody sacrifice!
Sun 7th November. Asana: Pan. 3.05-3.40 p.m.
Wed 10th November. LBR. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 2.30 a.m. Crowley’s shaven head. Rushing down a dark tube; colour appear to be earthy reds and browns. I entered a landscape; crowds of people were staring at me (but I go onwards), buildings appeared. A new mantra takes my mind: ‘I must endure, even till nought!’ There was an expanding sensation as my body became more and more shell-like. All ended in mist.
6 p.m. Phenomena has been noticed in the house again! Someone keeps opening (or closing) the letter box. There is some metal wire attached to it so it could be fastened shut to prevent unwanted things being pushed through etc but still it is sometimes open and sometimes closed! There is also the sound of a door opening sometime in the early hours upstairs and it has been heard by several people in the house.
Sun 14th November. Much of my diary has been ‘foolishly on my part’ censored and so lines and even pages are erased and are illegible; magickal and sexual references are blanked out. At 2.45 a.m. something of a magickal nature occurred. Later I was awoken by a very strong wind blowing through my window; I felt as if a presence was attempting to wake me. I had difficulty breathing as if something was restricting me.
Fri 19th November. My aunt L---- has been in the last stages of life for some time now. During the night the clock stopped and two hours elapsed before the clock started by itself again. The following day my aunt L---- died at 2 p.m. (as it was revealed to me in vision!)
Sat 20th November. 3.25 a.m. LBR. Chakras. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Tatwa: Blue Disc. I gave up after a few minutes.
Sun 28th November. Asana: Pan. 7-7.45 p.m. Not too painful.
Mon 29th November. An Invocation using Water Pentagram at 4 p.m. It rained at 7 p.m. I banished it at 9.30 p.m. it stopped soon after.
Thur 2nd December. LBR. Chakras in morning. Body rigid, breathing rhythmic. I drifted off to sleep with my mantra: ‘Perdurabo’ (27) rippling on my lips. I was upside down and inside out. It became easy to induce euphoria using my eyes and falsely telling my brain that I was in a state of euphoria. It lasted about 10 minutes, but what is time?
Sat 4th December. At 3.20 p.m. I performed a secret rite!
Tue 7th December. 3.20 a.m. LBR. Chakras, good success. Mantra: A.M.P.H., breathe slow and rapid but too tired to make anything of importance. Asana: 8.30-9.10 p.m.
Sat 11th December. 3.40 a.m. LBR. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I became almost unaware of speaking and my lips seemed to be rippling. I concentrated on the mantra and visualise it as a huge wheel turning, with the mantra whirling upon it. A pyramid came to me, in a desert, under the night sky. I looked down upon it from a 45 degree angle. Also a human face came to me and filled my very being; it was a while before I noticed him staring at me and I startled as I saw his piercing eyes (he was an elderly gentleman); every wrinkle upon his face shouted ‘evil’. It is as if he passed through me, but lingered for a while to see who was looking in on his world. LBR Banish as normal (I find I am able to perform it in my sleep, before I wake).
Golden Dawn Lectures and Middle Pillar Exercise 7.50-9.25 p.m. Asana: Pan. 7.50-8.50 p.m. Pain began at 8.40, sweating and body felt tense. Middle Pillar Exercise.
Sun 12th December. 3.15 a.m. LBR. Rose Cross and Middle Pillar Exercise. I feel Regardie is correct when he says the Middle Pillar Exercise alone can stimulate LVX.
Tue 21st December. Winter Solstice 8.26 p.m. At 4 a.m. this morning my brother was alarmed at noises within his room again and seeing the white flashes!
Saturday 1st January 1994. LBR, though feeling quite ill. I have developed my own way of celebrating the Eucharist (28), but I have been neglecting my magical practices recently. I go through periods of intense devotion and then it seems to slip away – perhaps an aspect of IAO! (29) I continue to perform the LBR (Lesser Banishing Rituals) daily.
Sunday 2nd January. LBR. I entered T (Temple) and performed the Star Ruby and the Middle Pillar exercise and felt much better today, but I must do more practical work!
Tuesday 4th January. LBR. Asana: kneeling. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (Aum Mani Padme Hum), use Air element symbol and an adept appeared, ashen faced and hooded in black; he was pointing with his right hand.
Saturday 8th January. LBR. Eucharistos. Beginning research into Enochian.
Friday 14th January. I began making preparations for the O=O Ceremony.
Saturday 15th January. LBR. Eucharistos. Star Ruby. Feeling deflated magically and tired of that ‘demon Crowley’!
Sunday 23rd January. LBR. Eucharistos. Preparations continue concerning O=O.
Tuesday 25th January. LBR. I received Crowley’s ‘Olla’ and ‘Soul of Osiris’ from Mandrake.
Sunday 30th January. LBR. Eucharistos. Preparations continue for O=O.
Wednesday 2nd February. LBR. Asana: Legs crossed. Vibrate Chakras and Sushumna (30) became filled by flames. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Became conscious of Not-Being and was swallowed in the void.
Friday 4th February. LBR. It has been twelve months since I began my probationary year (precisely 365 days since I received Regardie’s ‘Golden Dawn’) and today marks the end of my magical probation!
Saturday 5th February. LBR. Eucharistos.
Wednesday 9th February. LBR. Reading Magick. Asana: Pan. 9-9.50 p.m. Pain began at 9.40 p.m. but I persevered and the pain became nothing more than a glowing sensation. A good magickal day!
Thursday 10th February. LBR. Asana: 2.40 a.m. God Position. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I began well but became disturbed by automatic movement in the left hand. I saw an image of a ‘flowing’ man, silver and white. He was tall and radiant with an intense light behind him. I prayed in my heart and later became conscious of a feeling of great terror, as if I had suddenly glimpsed Choronzon (31), or worse!
Friday 11th February. LBR. In the morning I had a vision of Buddha. He was a small statue made of clay with an almond shaped face and he sat in his asana next to the gates of Hell. Death has taken all he has, yet he has more! He holds his golden coins and prays. Death is envious of his coins, thinking they have unmentionable powers and so he challenges Buddha to three ordeals. Buddha agrees to the challenge. And so Death sends three demons to tempt Buddha over a period of time, for what need is there of time in Hell? The first demon is a young man, invisible to the profane and Buddha easily recognises him by his silvery outline which appears like dew. Buddha banishes the demon by taking one of his coins and throwing it at him. The second demon is also in male form, but older than the previous demon. His image is much darker and not as radiant as the other – he has a dull and heavy aura. He is more difficult than the previous demon but Buddha destroys him. Many centuries seem to pass and the third demon in female form with a lithe and youthful body of great beauty appears and confronts Buddha. She is swift across his temple floor (he sits beneath an apple tree and where the apples fall they mark the radius of his circle or temple). She gets close to him but he is strong and defeats her. His last coin, he rolls towards the gates of Hell and the coin grows in size and speed and crashes into the gates, sealing damnation forever! [The coin symbolises that all possessions are worthless – it is not that which is without, but that which is within, that is the essence of man! Later on this day elements of the vision were realised as the three demons appeared to me in another reference in reality!]]
Saturday 12th February. LBR. Eucharistos. Reading The Goetia.
Monday 14th February. LBR. Reading Magick. Asana: 8.10-9 p.m. Pan Position. Pain began at 8.40 p.m. and I could have continued for longer but I was disturbed.
Tuesday 15th February. LBR. Asana: 2.30 a.m. arms outstretched forward, hands on thighs. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Lips became dry and numb but seemed to find moisture all of a sudden. The mantra was very rapid with minor breaks: I had to correct the mantra twice. My hands felt heavy then became weightless and eventually evaporated completely. I was praying from Tiphareth (32). At 3.15 a.m. or thereabouts I had a great feeling of brooding solitude – as if I was watching myself and perhaps even laughing at the Fool. Then suddenly, I felt a glow upon my head, upon my crown chakra, as if from nowhere; as if a gentle air were being blown or fanned onto it (it was the top left side of the head). This ‘glowing’ moved slightly to the front of the head and increased in strength and I made Dharana on it. Eventually the ‘glowing; faded and I slowly decreased the mantra and ended the work at 3.25 a.m. I trembled all over, not as if cold, but more out of fear. There was some slight sweating (it is snowing outside). I had no notion of time, I had supposed it lasted around thirty minutes but was surprised to see I had done fifty-five minutes. [I found the asana quite difficult for breathing as I was unable to expand my lungs fully due to the spine being so rigid. Deflating was not a problem when the spine is horizontal or even slightly arched].
Wednesday 16th February. LBR. Star Ruby using mantra: A.M.P.H. and Eucharistos – Failure! I will not travel down this path again! [From an old magical diary before I was conscious of its significance, I invented an alphabet of symbols and the words to express the Eucharistos were:
The Point –Hadit (man – microcosm).
The Triangle – the elements, though especially fire in this matter. Also the Trinity: IAO – the Phallus, the Babe, the Yoni (the Male, the Child and the Mother): Isis, Apophis, Osiris.
The Hexagram – God – the Divine Light (LVX) the Planets etc.
The Square – Tau square. Tiphareth – (kether). Four sides; four quarters; four worlds...]
Friday 18th February. LBR. Pranayama – failure!
A note on Pranayama:
Puraka Pranayama: inhale.
Khumbhaka Pranayama: restrain (hold).
Rechaka Pranayama: exhale.
Saturday 19th February. LBR. Eucharistos.
Friday 25th February. LBR. I have been ill for the past few days.
Tuesday 1st March. LBR. Vision of LAYLAH (33) at 2.50 a.m. Gold in the splendour of NUIT. Reading John St John.
Wednesday 2nd March. LBR. 3 a.m. Star Ruby Ritual. The breathing was slow and rhythmical (not pranayama). LAYLAH, as mentioned; NUIT was blue and radiant in the sky above and blazoned across it was the word LAYLAH in gold. As soon as I was aware of it and read the letters it was gone – as if two objects or subjects cannot co-exist together and had conjoined to form a third, which was ‘one’. Today also marks a year of performing the Lesser Banishing Rituals daily. Reading John St John. Pranayama: Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 30, very difficult and so had to start with Puraka= 10 and Rechaka= 20.
Thursday 3rd March. LBR. Asana: 12.10 a.m. Legs crossed. End 12.40 a.m. Pranayama: Puraka= 6, Rechaka= 12. I did twelve minutes of this. I omitted the Star Ruby today.
Friday 4th March. LBR. Asana: 2.30 a.m. Hanged Man Position. Vibration of Names – difficult to control the astral form; it takes all my will to make it go past South-West and beyond in the T (Temple) but success eventually came, although I was unable to distinguish which way the astral is facing and which is the real ‘cardinal point’ etc. Pranayama: Puraka= 6 (seconds), Rechaka= 12 from 2.30-2.42 a.m. It became difficult at the end of the cycle. If the lungs are not properly deflated, it became spasmodic and it took all my concentration to make sure I was breathing from my Solar Plexus (34). Asana: Pan Position. 9.30-10.30 p.m. Pain began at 10.15 and the body shuddered in protest at 10.20; inwardly I was in spasm, sweating and Kundalini was on fire; the left foot glowed white hot!
Saturday 5th March. LBR. Pranayama: 10.20-10.23 a.m. Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 20 – (only 7 cycles, I was in agony!) Eucharistos. During the earlier pranayama I was in my Pan asana. I felt as though my lungs would burst. I tried again at 11.53 a.m. but I was interrupted. I kept trying and kept failing – I fail on the rechaka 20, always! Try again. No asana, I stand upright. Pranayama: Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 15, this became spasmodic. I got angry with myself and punished myself admirably! The body is weak yet the mind is strong! I ended at 12.01 p.m. in disgust at myself! Reading Liber O – Pranayama you fool! Pranayama! I must destroy this obstacle.
Sunday 6th March. LBR. I used the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram and the Star Ruby Ritual (pain in heart) 2.20 a.m. At 2.45 a.m. asana: Hanged Man Position. Pranayama: (right thumb on right nostril) – Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 20 through the left nostril. Then, left thumb on left nostril – Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 20, through the right. I did 10 cycles. I found the right nostril easier, due no doubt to poor posture and stomach quite full. The Hanged Man seems an unsuitable position for this. It is better to be erect. Perhaps try a 6/12 cycle (no thumbs) with mantra: A.T.S.A. (35) – the timing will become instinctive after a while.
3.50 p.m. LBR Hex. Pranayama: 4.25-5.00 p.m. Puraka= 6, Rechaka= 12. Also 8.00-8.30 p.m. same cycle (6/12). This was easily achieved after conquering the 5/10. Reading Liber O and 777.
Monday 7th March. LBR. 2.34 a.m. Star Ruby. Pranayama: Puraka= 10, Rechaka= 20 – I was unable to master it and decided to tackle it from another angle: begin with 5/10 and add one second to each cycle until I reach 10/20. I find when attempting the 10/20 it usually creates some sort of visionary hallucination such as I saw ‘a barren landscape, covered in snow. The sky was jet black, but the brilliance of the snow was illuminating the mountain peaks!’
LBR Pent and Hex 11.45 a.m. and again at 3.50 p.m. Pranayama: 4.25-5.00 p.m. Puraka= 5, Rechaka= 10. Quite easy and tempted to move on to the 6/12 or even 7/14 – a foolish thought! Mantra: A.T.S.A. and A.M.P.H. I could have done much more. I will do another 5/10 and declare it mastered! [11.40 a.m. did 5 minutes pranayama in the God Position: 6/12 and found it very easy to do, no doubt to the absence of food in the stomach. I will do another 6/12 and move on to 7/14.
Tuesday 8th March. LBR 3.05 a.m. Pent and Hex. Also the Star Ruby. The adept was robed and consciousness was transferred to the astral without much difficulty. Usually there is a feeling of being pulled backwards into the physical, or trying to turn one’s whole being in another direction, which produces a feeling of duality, and the question: which is real? i.e. physical, and which is only ‘desired’ to be real? Eyes open on the physical shell and turning of the form in different directions etc. The brain seemed to accept the idea that the body of light was becoming semi-solid, at will, or so it was fooled into thinking. The new form can travel at will in any direction – vertical, horizontal: Air became Earth, the conjunction between the ethereal and the physical.
Wednesday 9th March. LBR. Pranayama: 6/12 in the God Position 2.59-3.05 p.m. Very easy to do and tempted to move onto the 7/14 but I have to make sure I am ready. [Pranayama in these early stages are not recorded fully, not until 10/20 does the work begin!] Stomach empty – asana: 4.30-5.15 p.m. back straight and legs crossed. This was unplanned and I suddenly found myself in this asana and carried on automatically. The pain began at 5.00 p.m.
Thursday 10th March. LBR. 2.45 a.m. Star Ruby. Dharana on white cross. Breathing good, slow and rhythmic. I became sleepy after only one minute and counted three breaks.
Friday 11th March. LBR. 10.20-10.30 a.m. Pranayama: 7/14, quite difficult but when the rhythm is mastered I can move on to 8/16, but not before! I had a strange vision in which I was talking with Therion and he told me how to pronounce certain words: ‘Therion, Nuit, Babalon’ (he stopped me here and said pronounce it ‘Fabalon’) we continued ‘Hadit...’ (36)
Saturday 12th March. LBR and Star Ruby. Pranayama: 2.40 a.m. 7/14 became a little spasmodic. But after ten minutes something quite amazing happened – all of a sudden I was aware of a blue light in my Ajna (37) – I had to check to see that I wasn’t fooling myself by having my eyes open – they were tight shut! Everything became harmonious – there were no spasms and the pranayama seemed to glide over the places where spasms were without any effect from them, but I was still aware of where these spasms were, as if they were small mountain peaks, they just did not concern me or interrupt the flow.
I produced a diagram to show this: A. Shows the condition of Pranayama before this illumination, where the spasms assert themselves into the Puraka/Rechaka Pranayama, and B shows how the breath seemed to glide over the spasms, but at the same time, acknowledge their existence and positions in space.
This went on for quite some time and the blue light was penetrating – maybe this vibrant blue light is something to do with LVX? I fear I have not fully perceived it, only glimpsed its magnificence. The blue light faded and with it went the smooth flowing continuous breath, and the A stage in the diagram appeared once more. Also in the B stage I noticed that my sense of hearing had changed, it became much more acute. The work ended at 3.10 a.m. [note: spasms are possibly vibrations from the heart beat]
08.00 a.m. LBR. Pranayama: 7/14. At 08.15 I changed the cycle to 8/16 which was more difficult and it took a lot of concentration. End work at 08.20 a.m.
Asana: 8.10-9.20 p.m. Left leg bent behind right leg, right leg bent and heel cloaking the Phallus. This didn’t seem as painful as my usual Pan Position. The pain began at 9 p.m. and it increased quite severely at 9.15 p.m. Pranayama: 8/16 (8.10-8.37 p.m.) Duration: 27.5 minutes. Not happy with this, quite spasmodic and difficult, probably due to stomach not being completely empty, though not full in any way. I had to end at eight thirty seven and a half minute; I could fight the pain, but oh how I fought for that half a minute of victory. My chest was rising unnaturally, and my legs were trembling. Conclusion: don’t eat with your mouth full!
Sunday 13th March. LBR. Pranayama: 3.35-3.52 p.m. Cycle: 8/16. Duration: 17.5 minutes. Quite spasmodic and stomach slightly full – not happy with the exercise at all! Left side of chest hurt and chest felt strained at the end. I found that the body became very fidgety and my legs and arms were flailing about in attempts to distract my mind from the pain; these movements began unconsciously. I attempted the same later (8/16) at 8.55-9.00 p.m. I intended to do 20-30 minutes but I was disturbed. Sometime after 9.15 p.m. when I went out for a walk, these lines entered my head unwilled:
I whirl in the mystical light,
I am not of your earth or your world;
Although, I am close to your night:
I am the midnight flower unfurled!
Monday 14th March. LBR. Pranayama: 9/18. I began at 1.45 p.m. and ended at 2.08 p.m. duration: 23 minutes. Slight headache and stomach quite empty, except for half a slice of toast. It began easy enough for the first few cycles, then became more difficult and spasmodic, before getting easier again at 2.00 p.m. [This resembles the formula of IAO: Isis – enthusiasm and love for the work; Apothis the Dying God (Osiris) – all is confusion and the work becomes detestable; Osiris, the redemption, the risen God and a new enthusiasm for the work: the assistance of the universe, all thy hard work has become virtuous!] At the end of the practice the chest was a little painful (Tiphareth), over-straining of the lungs.
Tuesday 15th March. LBR. Pranayama: 2.25-2.29 p.m. 9/18 cycle. I found it very difficult to do this and had to stop after only four minutes due to exhaustion. The stomach was quite empty too. I tried again at 6.15-6.30 p.m. (9/18 cycle). Duration: 15 minutes. The first two or three cycles appeared quite easy to maintain, but became very difficult very quickly, in fact it was extreme agony. My breath was racing; my chest (diaphragm) was in spasm much like having hiccoughs. I just wanted it to end, but I persevered to make it fifteen minutes (I don’t know if I may be doing something wrong, somewhere?) My upper body was flapping about to distract the mind as I counted the seconds on the clock. The chest is a little painful yet I can’t stop, I must go on to enslave the dreaded 9/18!
Wednesday 16th March. LBR. Pranayama: 02.50-03.25 a.m. 9/18 cycle. Duration: 35 minutes. Asana: legs crossed and hands on thighs. Much better than I have ever achieved! After a few minutes came the sweating; it did not completely manifest, but maintained a steady rate. I saw where I was making my mistakes in the ‘half-way’ stage. I was inflating my chest too fully and my stomach muscles were unable to fully contract – to compensate for this, on breathing in, I kept my back rigid, and on breathing out, I bent forwards a little, to ease the diaphragm and eradicate the spasms. I found this very successful. I became aware of a sensation of movement: rising, floating, twisting, turning and general displacement of conscious self etc. I noticed three specific spasms during my cycle:
Pranayama: 07.40-08.00 a.m. 9/18 cycle. Asana: legs straight, hands on Mulhadara (base of the spine) (38). This began extremely well with a smooth continuous flow of breath; deep without any spasms, due to an empty stomach I presume. At 07.50 a.m. I changed to 10/20. This also appeared quite easy to do and I continued for ten minutes, but I could have done much longer, but I had decided upon a time at which to end the work and end it there I did. There was no rushing to expel the air and no spasms at all – must be due to stomach!
9.44 p.m. Put no validity of success into these results – the lust of success and victory are not the aim! It is the work and the recording thereof!
Friday 18th March. LBR. Pranayama: 1.20 p.m. 10/20 cycle. Asana: Dragon Position. Failure! I could only manage one cycle, and that badly! I attempted again at 1.22 p.m. – also failure! One cycle done well! Asana: my Pan Position: 10-10.40 p.m. Pain began at 10.25 p.m. I also intended to do pranayama, but at 10 p.m. I could not even manage one cycle of 10/20!
Saturday 19th March. LBR. Pranayama: 02.50 a.m. 10/20 cycle. I could only manage to do three cycles before I became breathless. Pranayama: 07.55-08.10 a.m. 10/20 cycles. I managed to do thirty cycles (empty stomach, it must be the key!). I found it quite easy to do although I became aware that sometimes there would be a spasm at Rechaka 17, maybe due to posture. I will continue with 10/20 until I am satisfied with the results, and then proceed as stated in the Equinox.
Sunday 20th March. LBR. Pranayama: 02.55-03.02 a.m. 10/20 cycle. Duration: 7 minutes. Done quite well, considering I had quite a full stomach, though it wasn’t as smooth as I’d prefer! I woke from some disturbing dream at 04.20 a.m.
Pranayama: 07.01-07.26 a.m. 10/20 cycle. Duration: 25 minutes. A nice and easy flow; I could have gone on much further, but I had allowed myself twenty-five minutes for the exercise. Stomach empty: always better results in the morning before eating. Also after this I ‘vibrated’ my mantra: A.M.P.H. in my Ajna and raced into sleep. Asana: 6.22-7.15 p.m. Duration: 53 minutes. Extreme pain in feet and ankles at the end of the practice!
Monday 21st March. LBR [An XC the Vernal Equinox] (39). I had a vision concerning a musical instrument: a metal frame containing long metal tubes or bars which appeared solid; similar in construction to the tubular bells. These metal bars could be set in such a way as to play notes in various order and length, and by heating the metal (expanding and contracting) the melody could be played indefinitely... A bright light filled my eyes, radiating and brilliant; I am conscious of it, the suddenly my Ajna is flooded with some intricate pattern, like a magnified section of embroidery. It was white with a black design, giving the appearance of ‘fabric’ – the flowered ellipse! I had to check that my eyes were completely closed and that I wasn’t seeing some physical representation, which I wasn’t. I found I was able to hold the image for long periods. These visions happened quite frequently and I called them ‘fabric’ visions because of their nature – are they just some splendid form of Dharana?
The Flowered Ellipse
Tuesday 22nd March. LBR. Asana: 02.55-03.32 a.m. Left leg bent; right leg straight. Arms crossed on Solar Plexus.
b) Tatwa: Began at 03.25 a.m. Triangle – noticed two breaks which were more than a second long in duration, [other breaks were minor of which were too numerous to mention]. I attempted to open my eyes and see the image of the Tatwa before me, which was quite successful. Ended at 03.32 a.m. Duration: 7 minutes, 25 seconds, at which time I also ended the asana.
Pranayama: after LBR – 10/20 cycle. 07.30-07.40 a.m. I used the Solar Plexus again for five minutes then changed to the chest, which was much better and deeper, due maybe to the Solar Plexus taming the spasms – it seemed to float over them and not be disturbed by them. Stomach quite empty; weather: raining. At 07.55 a.m. progressed onto visualisation of a moving pendulum (dharana) till 08.00 a.m. Minor breaks on examining the swinging pendulum points etc and ‘how easy this is!’ – Larger break where strangely I was attempting to cut a pie in half. The swing of the pendulum seems difficult to keep at the same rate.
Wednesday 23rd March. LBR. 02.55 a.m. Chakras (burning sensation). Pranayama: 03.00 a.m. 10/20 cycle. I managed 11.5 minutes in duration. Began spasmodic and used Solar Plexus to calm it! I felt its great force flow through me, as if I were merely its vessel. Stomach not completely empty. Began to sweat – felt on the edge of consciousness; at the threshold of death. If I was able to continue for longer (of which I wasn’t), I’m sure I would have been covered in Prana (energy – forced outward, through the skin). Pranayama: 09.15-0929 a.m. 10/20 cycle. No real difficulty.
Friday 25th March. LBR. Pranayama: Puraka= 5, Khumbhaka= 10, Rechaka= 20, (5/10/20 cycle). 02.45-02.50 a.m. Difficult as alcohol was present. Puraka and Khumbhaka were fine, but I raced during Rechaka. (I could hardly hear the ticking of the clock so I must have invented my own duration of seconds to fit with my breathing). I will try another pranayama other than 10/20 – consult Magick.
Pranayama: 4.05 p.m. 10/20 cycles. Puraka through ida (holding the left nostril with the left thumb) and Rechaka through pingala (holding the right nostril with the right thumb). Changed to left thumb on left nostril (ida) breathing through the right (pingala). I could only manage two cycles. Position: Thunderbolt asana. I will have to go back and start with either 7/14 or 8/16 and work towards the 10/20 again!
Saturday 26th March. LBR and Star Ruby. Pranayama: 03.00-03.14 a.m. 10/20 cycle. Very good, deep breaths; used whole of my body; straining to get every ounce of air out of my lungs and every ounce of air in! I definitely felt a rigid state – I have found my Sushumna [the fire at the base of the spine; the Kundalini: ida= moon, pingala= sun – the Nadi: three occult centres] felt as if someone else were breathing for me, a separateness – instead of the force acting as two magnets repelling one another (a), it was a smooth flow (b):
Pranayama: 03.16 a.m. with ida and pingala (6/12 cycle).
Pingala: right nostril, Puraka through left nostril, 6 seconds, the Rechaka, out through left for 12 seconds.
Ida: left nostril, Puraka through right nostril, 6 seconds, then Rechaka, out through right for 12 seconds.
Increased cycle to 8/16, then 9/18 and also 10/20: No spasms at all; it seemed quite easy to do! Pingala a bit blocked. Ended at 03.27 a.m. Duration: 11.5 minutes. Mantra: A.M.P.H. till 03.35 a.m. I kept it going quite well, fixed on my Ajna (the two petals). I felt as if I have entered some sort of peaceful state [Osiris Risen]. I won’t do ida and pingala again until my pingala is functioning properly. This may take some time as there have been problems for many years with it.
Pranayama: 07.55-08.15 a.m. 10/20 cycle [07.55-08.05 a.m. I began with a 10/20 cycle which was very good. Stomach empty; breathe deep. At 08.05 a.m. I changed to a 5/5/20 cycle which was also quite easy to perform, (I shall increase proportions in time). End at 08.15 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. beginning at 08.16 a.m. and ending at 08.30 a.m. Duration: 14 minutes. I kept the mantra soft and audible; my lips were rippling and my throat was extremely dry. Usual breaks: a) to swallow, b) to yawn, c) unwanted thoughts arising (though there were few). I finished the exercise but kept the mantra vibrating into sleep – dharana on tip of nose.
Sunday 27th March. LBR. Pranayama: 5/10/20m cycle. 03.51 a.m. (B.S.T.) Failure! I could not even manage one cycle! I rose on Rechaka 14 seconds with a shock of disgust! Asana: Legs crossed, hands on Solar Plexus. 03.45-04.11 a.m. (B.S.T.) Pranayama: 5/5/20 cycle – much better! I put the whole of my ‘being’ into Rechaka. This caused a slight sweating. Duration: seventeen and three quarter minutes! Also, last night I did an exercise on breathing (steady and evenly) saying to myself: ‘I breathe in, I breathe out!’ this then became: ‘we breathe in, we breathe out!’ and finally: ‘you breathe in, you breathe out!’
Tuesday 29th March. LBR. Pranayama: 03.15-03.25 a.m. 6/6/20 cycle. This is my limit for the present! I cannot go beyond it without difficulty: I had to use my hands to push every drop of air from my lungs. I saw many colours appear to me like clouds of gas: violet, blue, and to a lesser extent yellow/red. I was on the edge of consciousness and there was a continuous ringing in my ears.
Wednesday 30th March. LBR. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 02.42 a.m. I kept it very well into first stages of sleep and expected to receive the Nada, alas! Some breaks, especially of the mantra changing spontaneously which had to be corrected. A definite feeling as to an opening of the Ajna – between the two pillars (severity and mercy) a dark vista beckons – floating sensation. During the morning vision: Satellites were orbiting space with magnificently powerful light beams, as strong and bright as the sun. All of them were directed towards earth, to obliterate the night with permanent light. I saw America (possibly New York) ablaze with these artificial light beams, which seemed to criss-cross the globe!
Thursday 31st March. LBR. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 02.50 a.m. (I did not feel well enough to do pranayama). Invocation Adonai. Mantra in to sleep; it went well over the invocation and even into the dream state. A few minor breaks, quite long in duration, but corrected swiftly. The aim: to continue the mantra unbroken through sleep and wake with it still flowing from my lips – like a chattering lunatic! Invocation of Adonai was later granted, thus successful: all defences were destroyed and I was the victor! [This has happened with success on other occasions too – an internal current is created and discharged towards the object!]
Friday 1st April. LBR. I was unable to do any work. Received another vision I have called ‘fabric’. It began as I thought I was looking at an old coin. I had to check that my eyes were closed, which they were! I reached out physically for the coin but I felt nothing! Then the ‘fabric’ began. Dozens or hundreds of different design patterns per second flooded my consciousness – all in black and white, no colour, and all of fancy, intricate floral patterns. I don’t understand it, but I am able to keep the vision fixed on a single image for quite a long period of time. Is it an hallucination? Another vision I received after this was: a woman had strange markings on her breasts, colourful, like some sort of stigmatic birthmark. There was also a man who had large staring eyes and long hair. He tore open his shirt to reveal the same markings on his chest. The man and the woman came together and their markings inter-locked like some sort of jig-saw puzzle, and from this – the advancement of civilisation had begun! He spoke to the woman: ‘I am the only male who bears these markings, and there are twenty-eight females who bear them also. My purpose is to couple with all of those females who bear the markings and I will search to the ends of the earth to find them: I have completed the task for you are the last remaining female and the advancement has begun!’
Saturday 2nd April. LBR. Pranayama: 03.00-03.12 a.m. 6/6/20 cycle. Asana: Legs crossed. Surprisingly quite easy to do! Stomach almost empty. Began to sweat and throat became extremely dry. I had to stop after twelve and a half minutes due to acid rising in the throat. Pranayama: 10.15-10.25 a.m. 10/30 cycle. Again it was surprisingly easy to do and I felt as if I could have done much more with Rechaka, but I wisely kept it at thirty! I had to stop after ten minutes because the last two cycles caused me to gasp for air (maybe because I unconsciously moved onto my side a little in asana).
Sunday 3rd April. LBR. Pranayama: 03.00 a.m. 15/30 cycle. Failure! Not even one cycle! Pranayama: 03.01 a.m. 10/20 cycle. Even this seemed a little difficult – stomach not fully empty. I finished the practice at 03.11 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. 03.12 a.m. and into sleep. At 04.25 a.m. I awoke from sleep to find the mantra faintly still there but I was more concerned with a vision I was having (not ‘fabric’): There was no colour, only black and white and I saw some old buildings and rooftops (possibly old farm buildings). There was a country lane and I saw stairs on the outside of the building which led to a side door... and here the vision ended.
Tuesday 5th April. LBR. An exercise in Liber Thisharb (sub figura cmxiii) – 02.43 a.m. Breathing calmly in a relaxed posture; I proceeded to travel backwards through the last 24 hours. I began easy enough, but towards midday etc, things became disordered. But I knew what and where the correct order was, so not a pointless exercise. I ended at 02.47 a.m. Pranayama: 02.50 a.m. 5/5/20. Asana: Legs straight, hands on Mulhadara. Stomach quite full; not too difficult, some minor spasms, but corrected using the Solar Plexus, pushing it out to deflate the lungs! End at 03.04 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. into sleep.
Pranayama: 09.30 a.m. 10/5/20 cycle. Extremely easy to do, no doubt to the fact I had an empty stomach. I wanted to increase it to 20/20/20 to make it the whole minute, but I decided against it and continued with 10/5/20. No spasms at all, a smooth continuous flow. I ended at 09.50 a.m. and went into ida and pingala for the same cycle 10/5/20. Also quite easy! I feel the spasms are just the triggers of the mind informing the lungs to breathe in and out etc, a sort of warning signal, and gradually by ignoring them, one is open to anything – suspension of time, forwards and backwards; levitation... or are these the ravings of a mad man? Pingala was a little blocked as usual.
Vision: It began at a point on someone’s face (Hadit) and expanded to reveal the head and the whole body (Nuit). The head belonged to a helmeted soldier or warrior (my first impression was that he was a German infantry soldier from the Second World War). The scene developed and I saw many soldiers in a row. Their helmets were small and circular. It was as if they were waiting to board an aircraft; one man appeared and he was wearing a short black leather jacket (pilot). He had something in his hands: a small box which he presented to someone, behind a wire fence. The vision faded here and I could not retrieve it, no matter how hard I tried. My consciousness in the vision had complete control to go where it willed in any direction.
Wednesday 6th April. LBR. Asana: 03.05 a.m. similar to the Bear position, only on my back. Dharana on R.C. [Rosy Cross]. I began by putting my whole ‘being’ into my Mulhadara Chakra then used the Middle Pillar Exercise (Kundalini), activating each Chakra centre. How they pulse and ache! Rose, at the base of the brain: R.C. at the back of the skull and flung forcibly into the Ajna where the image was kept. Bright, vibrant and soft, delicate Rose attached to the strong permanence of the Cross. Its secret formula became clear: how it withers and dies (slain – dying god) and is perfected in Resurrection (Osiris Risen) – Tetragrammaton (41): Yod, He, Vau, He (final). Is the Rose conscious of the cross and vice versa? It grows, as in a spiritual growth and is born anew.
Thursday 7th April. LBR. 02.45 a.m. an exercise concerning Liber Berashith; better than the previous exercise. End at 02.57 a.m.
Pranayama: 03.00-03.12 a.m. 10/20 cycle, no Khumbhaka. Very good, hands on Solar Plexus; I began to sweat, especially during Rechaka, as I strained to get every drop of air out. Stomach quite empty. On Puraka, I started to tremble, as if on some enormous threshold.
Pranayama: 09.45-09.55 a.m. 10/10/20 cycle. I began well enough. Stomach empty. I had to use my hands to forcibly push the air out, and bend the head slightly, a little spasmodic – this is my limit for the present!
Friday 8th April. LBR. The writing of the Book of the Law! 6.15-7.10 p.m. I worked on an ink illustration commemorating the Equinox of the Gods.
Saturday 9th April. LBR. Pranayama: 03.35-03.50 a.m. 10/20 cycle with mantra: A.M.P.H. My lips became very dry and numb, very tired and thus some interference.
Tatwa: 03.50 a.m. ‘Prithivi-Vayu’ [circle within a square] in Ajna. The circle is imprisoned by the square but the square is also a prisoner of the circle, they exist as one in duality. Both are of a single line, yet the square has four angles while the circle has none. Square= earth – Malkuth; the circle= air, thus ‘air of earth’. There was a break during this which seemed to transcend time (Berashith), and I got a distinct impression that the beginning of a war was raging – a strong impression concerning Joan of Arc. I broke from it and returned to the Tatwa: the squaring of the circle!
Mantra: A.M.P.H. 07.40 a.m. into sleep. I observed the writing of the second chapter of the Book of the Law.
Sunday 10th April. LBR. Pranayama: 07.35-07.50 a.m. 12/12/24 cycle. Stomach empty. This became difficult to do towards the end and I found myself letting my breath out in short bursts as opposed to one continuous flow. Asana: 07.51 a.m. Bear position but on back. Tatwa: Tejas-Apas [crescent in a triangle]. The triangle= fire and the crescent= water. I concentrated on the symbol and made it rise from my Mulhadara Chakra (Kundalini) to ‘Daath’ [throat] (42). Tatwa in the base of the brain [Yoni] and reflected into the Ajna where I willed it to stay. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (good results, strong and clear). I counted five breaks: four to correct the angles of the triangle and make them straight etc and one break concerned a person I had not seen for some time. The symbol seemed to flash within and without, flooding my senses. I was very happy with the exercise and ended at 08.07 a.m. this was followed by many visions of which I call ‘fabric’ – in one, I was immersed in a blue radiant light, and I became conscious of my feet. All of a sudden my feet appeared in front of my eyes (my physical eyes were closed but the feeling was exactly the same as if I were looking straight at them in close up; it was actually the third eye). It was as if on thinking of my feet, in an infinitesimal flash, I had travelled to meet my feet (via the outside of my physical body). My nose was actually pressed against my feet and the blue light showered over me. I could hold the image quite distinctly. It appears this ‘fabric’ is becoming more prominent and easier to do.
At 11.30 a.m. I returned from another vision: I was guided into a dark room, not completely dark, but very dim. There was an angel, or so she appeared to be: she was actually a sylph, an inhabitant of the aethyr of Air – Yetzirah, the Formative World (43). She had bright scarlet lips and was exceedingly pale. I gave her a magical word that had been given to me earlier in the vision (try as I did I could not remember the word after the vision, but I am sure it began ‘Daleth’). The sylph blew down a musical pipe, and her radiant voice echoed down the tube. Suddenly, a masculine figure appeared – it was Pan, whose number is 131. He had two small horns from his temples (more mounds than horns); his hair was short and golden, but he was completely human in essence (human male lower half, not the expected goat limbs). I repeated the magical word to him, but I made a mistake and the sylph corrected it. I was led into a room, which was dark (but probably lit with burning torches). Pan began sniffing at some dust or ‘powder’, blue-grey in colour and rather dull. The sylph also took the dust and made a strange face as if she were going to sneeze. Pan offered the dust to me and I said: ‘I am unable to!’ Pan, the sylph and a small youth who had entered room were now sitting upon a floating altar. The altar hung at least 7-8 feet above the floor and swayed a little back and forth but it did not seem to be attached to anything, it hung in mid-air. There were small brick columns at each corner of the square altar which rose up into the air, but did not go anywhere in particular. I raised my arms [the sign of Apothis and Typhon – an LVX sign] (44) and mounted the altar, aided by Pan. The altar was made of red bricks (or tiles) with a design in the centre of the altar – some deity, possibly Bacchus. The bricks (tiles) were not held in place by any fixative, they were loose and they rippled like water. I wanted the altar to remain still and not move and then as I thought this, Pan gave the altar a great shake, which turned it completely round one-hundred and eighty degrees on to its side. One side went down, but three other sides were raised into the air. The columns had disappeared and there was disharmony. The idea is opposite: To achieve balance (equilibrium) the heavier side goes up (which contained Pan, the sylph and the youth) and the lighter side goes down (me). I tried to correct it by moving my body, but it was useless. I later learnt that the altar can only be completely controlled from its centre. And Pan spoke, saying something similar to ‘however hard one tries, there will always exist an opposite; the counteraction of the strong by the strong!’ (He said the words while glaring at me for not having the correct knowledge to use the altar).
I observed the third day of the writing of the Book of the Law.
Tuesday 12th April. LBR. I intended to do pranayama but a sore throat prevented me. 02.37 a.m. I used the mantra I tried before: ‘I breathe in, I breathe out’ etc. After quite some time I disconnected myself from the physical and used the LBR and the invocation of the Pentagram of Air and assumed the God-form of Shu (45). I then used the mantra: A.M.P.H. and became conscious of a very loud and deep booming or bellowing voice which seemed war-like and it was giving commands. Then a voice followed, saying: ‘Thou shalt not invoke me, until thou hast prayed in thine heart and vibrated the words [meaning mantra or God names] for every bead of sweat upon my body!’ The blue light was blinding. I had the Air symbol fixed firmly in my Ajna.
Wednesday 13th April. LBR. Throat still sore. Tatwa: black egg, symbol of Spirit, in my Ajna. 02.55 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Immediately a flood of images entered my mind – I saw vast cities, one after the other; golden temples and narrow walkways (passages) – I don’t like this, I get the sensation that I am being fooled, probably by myself. The black egg is in a temple and it sits between two pillars (Severity and Mercy). It is dimly lit. Flames are flickering over the black egg. I find my consciousness is inside the egg and there is Dharana upon the egg, which is infinite, like the Russian dolls (Matroshka). There is a blue light about the egg...
Thursday 14th April. LBR. 03.00 a.m. I disconnected from the physical. Used the LBR and invocation Pentagram of Water, making the sign (not the symbol) of the downward pointing triangle; I returned to the physical, the triangle in the Mulhadara, rising to the Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. the triangle image quite strong and held for quite some time. I did not proceed any further, extremely tired and stomach full.
Saturday 16th April. LBR. Still have a sore throat. No pranayama, also Ida and Pingala blocked but not seriously. 03.50 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. – useless! Unable to keep it fixed and keep breaking off into silly reverie. Vision: 11.30 a.m. A young and beautiful, dark-haired girl (she was mentally ill) and around eighteen years old but she had the mind of a child with all its naive wonder. She was lonely, except for her family, who never gave her the attention she craved. But she was loved. She would sit in a small room in the house, possibly a cloakroom, and dream all day long. She told her young brother how she went down a long, dark chimney to another world, where giants lived. She’d been twice already and was planning to go again. This would be the last time she goes alone, and she promised to take her brother next time! At night, she crept into the cloakroom in the dark and sat down. There was blackness and tumbling, falling deeper and deeper, down a large chimney. When she hit the ground she became buried in soot and ashes, in a fireplace that was barely alight. She was still in the room, but the room was the size of a small coin, hitting the soot and becoming buried. A voice bellowed: ‘The fire is out!’ It was such an angry voice. My consciousness seemed to be everywhere, observing the scene in the vision. Three tall men (giants) all blonde, short hair and blue eyes were in the room. The room was dim. Now the girl became larger, in fact, her usual size, in the fireplace, all dirty with soot and a voice said: ‘Why have you come here again when we told you not to?’ She answered, but I do not remember her reply. The man gazed at her, and he began to bend her with his will. He uttered: ‘We created you (meaning mankind) and we have formulated your brain!’ the girl was crying in pain and fear. His eyes burnt into her. I thought he was going to cure her mind, but no, and I was repelled by what I saw him do to her. He ripped out her eyes – now she is blind; he sealed up her mouth – now she is mute, and he twisted every limb so that she cannot walk or use her hands and arms. And I felt the sorrow of the world when I saw her crawling back home to her family, who were all in tears. I later worked on an illustration called ‘the eyes of Pharaoh’.
Sunday 17th April. LBR. Pranayama: 09.10-09.20 a.m. 5/5/20 cycle. Ida and Pingala quite blocked sore throat too. No enthusiasm at all to do the practice and this damn cold won’t go away! I feel that I am not doing enough! Mantra: A.M.P.H. into sleep. Attempted Dharana on right ear, partial success, but I fear I have hit the dry sands of the desert!
Tuesday 19th April. LBR. 02.53 a.m. Consciousness in Mulhadara Chakra. The flame rose – kundalini, to Solar Plexus when it became a hundred-fold golden rays, then white brilliance, on entering Kether, and descending back to the Solar Plexus. Tiphareth: sun and moon conjoined (solar/lunar: the Beast and Babalon). I fixed a swinging pendulum in my Ajna, one second per swing using mantra: A.M.P.H. (pendulum good only a few breaks) Mantra= one cycle per swing, i.e. per second. I got the distinct feeling my physical eyes were open, although they were closed; I could see objects about the room, though not distinctly. This lasted for quite some time, even into sleep. (Maybe I awoke and thought: ‘Why am I not doing my mantra?’ and I would suddenly do the mantra immediately after the thought. I also performed the LBR in a sort of half awake half asleep state).
9.15 p.m. I went for a walk with my brother and I could not help noticing my senses heightened and alert to every subtle element: earth, water (particularly), fire (burning wood), and air. I felt the harmonious nature and composition of everything connected around me. Some lines suddenly sprung to mind:
I am but a leaf tossed this way and that,
In the subtle stuff of life;
Gaze on my face, gaze and tremble:
Yea! Tremble, wither and wake!
I later began reading the Equinox vol I, vii.
Wednesday 20th April. LBR. 02.48 a.m. Tatwa: Fire (red triangle) in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Fool! I was intoxicated by alcohol! Pranayama: 08.00-08.15 a.m. 10/5/20 cycle. A bit spasmodic to begin with and Ida and Pingala quite blocked, I also have a sore throat: when will it end?
Thursday 21st April. LBR. 03.02 a.m. Chakras in the sign of water (downwards pointing triangle); the Goddess Auromoth (46). I entered the T (Temple) and made the invoking Pentagram of Water in the four cardinal points and an Invocation of the Goddess Auromoth in the sign of the grade of water. Rise into the air, still in the sign of water using the mantra: A.M.P.H. White brilliance and ears ringing... Vision: I was standing at a roadside; a country Lane, very barren, and I was with another gentleman and we were both dressed as princes. On the other side of the road, directly opposite, came a rumbling sound as of thunder. Then, from a grassy mound appeared the head of a dragon. It was extremely fierce and angry at having been sent to find me. I was afraid and stood behind the other gentleman, pretending that I hadn’t even noticed the beast’s arrival. And the dragon said: ‘Do you not agree that my ears are real?’ – ‘Yes’ I replied. ‘Therefore,’ said the dragon, ‘you must agree that I am real!’ and after saying this he came fully out of the earth to his full stature. He towered above us, but in an instant, he decreased in size to match our own height. He was a man who bore the head of a dragon. I asked him his name, and he replied: ‘Cheva’ and he continued to tell me that he had been sent to find me and test my knowledge. He came at me as if to destroy me; he was powerful and I could not defeat him by strength. I thought – ‘I must destroy him from within; from the very core of his being: by shaming him!’ and at once I began hurling insults so degrading at him that their effect showed physical signs upon his appearance that he was weakening, and I toppled him to the ground when I implied that every being knows what he does amongst the swine, for he has been seen lusting after the pigs! And he fell at once and shrivelled up! – I learnt later that he had been sent by no less a figure than the dreaded Choronzon! [see entry for Monday 25th April]
Friday 22nd April. LBR. ‘Make thee an island and fortify it!’
Saturday 23rd April. LBR. 03.32 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on thighs – breathe slow and deep. Chakras. Compound Tatwa: Spirit of Earth (oval within a square) in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. Some short minor breaks at the beginning (keeping the correct colours etc). Then a strange calm came over me. I was aware that my hands were resting upon my thighs, but felt as if they were not my hands at all, but someone else’s! There were no feelings in my hands whatsoever – therefore, my consciousness tells me they’re not my hands. But my thighs still had feelings, so I knew that there was something called hands (though not mine), resting upon them. Ajna was good; the Prithivi-Vayu (tatwa) very clear. Mantra racing – I failed at the threshold! I was overcome by tiredness. Pranayama: 09.00-09.20 a.m. 10/8/20 cycle. Quite easy to do; sore throat getting me down a little (Ida and Pingala are constantly blocked now).
Sunday 24th April. LBR. 02.18 a.m. Asana: similar to Bear only on my back. Enter the Akasik egg (black egg/oval, earth tatwa) in a sort of foetal position, surrounded by vibrant blue light. I rise upwards in Tatwa. Mantra: A.M.P.H. which went well. From a tremendous height I viewed the sea and the mountains and the cities. I became numb... everything seemed to go blank! Perhaps sleep overcame me? I don’t know why I am so tired? 06.35 a.m. Invoke Pentagram and Hexagram. Mantra: A.M.P.H. – one large break and a few smaller on forgetting my mantra.
Monday 25th April. LBR. 02.45 a.m. Mantra: A.M.P.H. – five breaks and sleep.
Afternoon: some discoveries about the vision of Thursday 21st April:
CHEVA – the Beast 666
A Ch I H A = 666 (usual spelling: Chiva)
In full: A= 111, Ch= 418, I= 20, H= 6, A= 111 Total=666
HRU – RA – HA
211 + 201 + 6 = 418
666= Stele of Revealing – (52+666+ 718) [exhibit number]
Beats 666 = sun symbol (Sol) = ANKH – F – N – KHONSU – T = Nuteru,
(NVThIRV), THERION, TO MEGA THERION, KAMURET etc. (47)
09.05 a.m. invocation of the Pentagram and the Hexagram – 09.14 a.m. Pranayama: 09.22 a.m. 15/10/20 cycle. This began quite easy, but became difficult. Stomach empty!
Wednesday 27th April. LBR. 02.40 a.m. Water Tatwa, crescent in Ajna, mirrored like rippling water – taste it; smell it; feel it; hear it and flood my consciousness with it and ‘become it’!
Friday 29th April. LBR. I read through ‘Master of the Temple’ in Equinox III from 5.20-6.00 p.m.
Saturday 30th April. LBR. 03.30 a.m. Asana: Thunderbolt position. Mantra: A.M.P.H. (I experimented using the mantra as an active and passive form that is aloud and silently inward). I ended at 03.55 a.m. I became conscious of a bell sound, a tinkling in my left ear but it is possible I imagined this. Duration: 25 minutes.
08.30 a.m. Pranayama: Puraka= 10, Khumbhaka= 10, Rechaka= 10, Khumbhaka= 10 (10/10/10/10 cycle). Asana: Thunderbolt. I found this extremely difficult and had to give up after just five minutes! I remained in my asana and did pranayama: 5/5/20 cycle. This was much easier to do. I ended at 09.05 a.m. Stomach empty and pingala quite blocked. Limbs very numb after asana. Duration: Asana= (Thunderbolt) 35 minutes; Pranayama (5/5/20 cycle) = 30 minutes.
After asana I wrote this verse which seemed to flood my consciousness:
On the banks of sunless shores,
Stood alone, as man adores
Her beauty, as yet unseen, as yet untouched.
To lure the foolish to their doom
In her manifold, gaping womb;
Enticing every plume
And seedling, smutched!
As each whispered air would roll
To find her playful aureole
And her wet lips that trembled, kissed the dew.
As the river’s gentle spray,
Jetted up to greet the day;
At her feet each drop would lay
And die, but O, soon born anew!
And she turned to face the dawn
As each mighty sword was drawn
Against the ever-flowing, foaming stream;
That kissed, O beautiful Princess,
In all thy nakedness:
How art thou loveliness
To sapphire eyes that dream!
The Lamen of the Probationer
AINSA – AIN SOPH AUR (48)
Nosce Te Ipsum – Know Thyself
ASNIA – the Adept.
5= the Pentagram
6= the Hexagram
5= the squaring of the circle by ALHIM. (49)
The beginning of the Great Work.
The sphere of Mars – Strength
Horus – the sword or the scourge.
6 = 5 grade – Adeptus Major.
GEBURAH – (motion)
6= Macrocosm and microcosm interlaced.
The end of the Great Work. (Ruach). (50)
The sphere of Sol – Beauty
RA (ASAR) – the Lamen or Rosy Cross.
5 = 6 grade – Adeptus Minor.
ABRAHADABRA IAO INRI
Tiphareth – (the point).
11= Magical number – 5+6 AUD (Light).
The magic force. (hot and moist).
NU (MOUT) – The dagger.
Yetzirah – the Formative World – VITRIOL. (51)
56= NU 65= Adonai (H.G.A.)
Wednesday 4th May. LBR. 02.50 a.m. Invocation of Air Pentagram in the T (Temple). Assumed God-form of Shu – ‘Thee I invoke...’ etc; Mantra: A.M.P.H. Air symbol in Ajna. I remember that I gazed upon my breast and saw the workings of the heart; how fragile it seemed. I fear I have gone wrong somewhere in my invocation or I am still among the sandy dunes! 08.40 a.m. Invocation of 6 and 5 (Hexagram and Pentagram). Asana: Thunderbolt, (09.00 a.m.) Mantra: A.M.P.H. till 10.00 a.m. duration: one hour. My arms felt terribly cold; stomach empty. Extreme pain in both legs at the end! At 09.45 a.m. I went through a stage of complete revulsion for what I was doing – ‘is it all worth the bother? I’m a fool!’etc. I took them for the dog-faced demons that they are, trying to tempt me from the chosen act, and they soon passed.
Thursday 5th May. LBR. 02.43 a.m. Spirit Tatwa. Mantra: A.M.P.H. the black egg was large and it lay before me. I passed into it using the sign of the enterer (Horus). A good transference of earth to spirit!
Friday 6th may. LBR. 08.40 a.m. Pranayama: 12/24 cycle (no Khumbhaka). I managed to do nine minutes till 08.49 a.m. I had headache and Ida and Pingala are still blocked; Pingala in quite a terrible state! Stomach empty; reading Equinox vol I (ix) the Evocation of Bartzabel.
Saturday 7th May. LBR. 02.25 a.m. R.C. (Rosy Cross) in Ajna. Quite good. Raining, thus I saw how the rain nourishes the rose; I heard the rain in my ears and smelt the rain through the open window. Breathing good! At 03.35 a.m. I entered a light conscious state, as I was continuing with R.C. in Ajna [I found this occurs also with my mantra and LBR, Pent and Hex]. I had a terrifying experience. It was dark with flashing images and fear grew with each image. I had to break from the work and have a drink of water at 03.35 a.m. I continued with R.C. in Ajna (still raining). Not sure if R.C. is continuous through sleep or I suddenly remember it on waking – latter more probable.
Sunday 8th May. LBR. 02.33 a.m. R.C. in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. I counted two breaks (strange dreams about entering an old mansion house and another about a shop where I clumsily knocked everything over). 08.30 a.m. in light state, I saw an image of a child (more like a baby). He had no eyes and his head was bandaged. He had dark slits where his eyes should be. His arms were outstretched in the sign of the cross [Osiris slain]. I kept the image perfectly. I looked away twice because I found it hideous and grotesque!
08.44 a.m. I continued with R.C. in Ajna (difficult to hold), possibly due to excitement of dreams. Reading ‘Nature of the Beast’ in evening.
Tuesday 10th May. LBR. Wonder, O wonder, if I could see a speck of your light in my destiny! 02.30 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on thighs as in the Dragon; back rigid. R.C. in Ajna. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [done as active and passive etc: 5 minutes active/audible, 5 minutes passive/inwardly and 5 minutes silence, then 5 minutes passive to form a Tetragrammaton: Active – Ra-Hoor-Khuit; Passive – Hoor-Paar-Kraat (also silence); Nought of Nuit – Active/Passive= Heru-Ra-Ha – the twin forms of Horus; Nothing= Nuit]. A few breaks of the usual type. Breathing good! My hands began to vibrate as if they were electric, and suddenly disappeared completely, followed by my feet! I had the distinct impression that my hands and feet were crossed upon my feet, which is physically ridiculous, and that my right hand rested on my left thigh, and left hand on my right thigh (opposite to their actual position). The head had a tendency to fall forwards causing a slight giddiness. I rose in my asana and entered the Temple, standing between the pillars of Severity and Mercy. I was unable to remain still, I was being drawn upwards and sideways (no matter how hard I resisted). I went sideways about three feet above the ground and felt as if my eyes had opened inwardly and I could see faint images in the room. My physical eyes were definitely closed! This happened two or three times. Also the R.C. grew in size and I was standing at its foot (this was before I entered the Temple). I can remember opening my eyes and feeling separate from my physical body, as if I were a small insect upon some piece of furniture in a darkened room, in a darkened house etc. My breath increased and I forced the air between my lips causing a slight loss of consciousness. I ended at 03.25 a.m. R.C. in Ajna into sleep. Duration: Asana + R.C. = 55 minutes.
Wednesday 11th May. LBR. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on thighs. 02.30 a.m. mantra: A.M.P.H. Excellent, no mistakes. I increased the speed of the mantra. My lips were dry and numb. I did a test and placed the Water symbol Tatwa in my Ajna and it was unmovable! Very strong! I kept it in place for a few minutes with no breaks whatsoever and removed it completely. I then concentrated on the mantra which was better than ever before for its rhythm. Breath was slow and steady and the mantra fast. I ended the mantra at 02.45 a.m. and began Pranayama: 10/10/20 cycle. The first two or three cycles were very easy to do but then the spasms began; I had to use the whole of my chest and stomach to get air in and out! On the edge of consciousness with no fear of falling into the abyss! I ended pranayama at 02.58 a.m. Thought examination: two breaks of a personal nature; a floating sensation in asana, but instead of travelling to a desired location – I brought the destination to me! My upper body trembled with cold sensations. There was an actual ecstasy in the mantra and I experimented with hyper-ventilating, breathing rapidly and expelling air forcibly between the lips, in one minute cycles. I became disorientated and white light flooded my closed eyes. I heard a sound in my ears (not Nada), a whooshing sound, like crashing waves which I concentrated on. Trembling with cold and the white light faded; I tried to retrieve it, but in vain. I ended the practice at 03.30 a.m.
Duration: Asana: 1 hour
Mantra: 15 minutes
Pranayama: 13 minutes
Examination: 32 minutes
Thursday 12th May. LBR. 02.27 a.m. R.C. in Ajna – no good: confusion, jumbled images!
Friday 13th May. LBR. My head is filled with initiation. Preparing to undertake the O=O ceremony. I read the various stations etc for its performance from 3.10-4.10 p.m. At 5.40 p.m. ‘Outside, under the sun, in the wind – I looked up and it all became clearer; it flashed upon me: the eye in the void – I gazed upon the splendour of the Lady of the Stars and was embraced by her! Certain things became clear concerning the Magical Universe: Nuit, Hadit, Ra-Hoor-Khuit (Heru-Ra-Ha)... as it was written on Tuesday 19th April: ‘Yea! Tremble, wither and wake!’ I am armed and have been granted by the arched splendour of Nu – my devotion has been rewarded in my dedication towards O=O! 5.45-7.00 p.m. G.D. [Golden Dawn] Z1 document: stations and God forms. I prepared some diagrams to work with showing the stations and the ‘invisible’ stations.
Left wrist: a circle has appeared on my left wrist (and on my right but to a lesser degree); I noticed it a week ago and there is an outer ring and an inner ring which is strange, about the size of a two pence coin and both wrists are exactly the same! It is as if the stigmata of O=O is somehow upon me. Both rings are inflamed as if I have been branded!
Saturday 14th May. LBR. 02.50 a.m. Asana: Legs crossed, hands on Yesod – R.C. = Tiphareth (this seems easier than Ajna). Mantra: A.M.P.H. I ended both at 03.15 a.m. and concentrated on No-Thing! I immediately saw a golden glow, with a female figure: golden with wings and gold flowing hair. She ran towards me, brilliant and bright. She then became two figures (unity becoming duality) and they were kissing [male and female]; then I glimpsed the perimeter of a vast city and the sky was a radiant blue. The city had golden walls around it and it stood at the top of a sheer cliff face. The buildings had wooden window shutters. I felt that this was a very holy city indeed. Then I saw a golden orb (Tiphareth). I ended the asana and practice at 03.35 a.m. Duration: 45 minutes.
11.10 a.m. – Eucharistos!
2.30-4.00 p.m. Equinox I (ii) O=O Ritual and G.D. Temple diagrams etc, stations, wands, lamens, paths etc.
9.45-10.35 p.m. Asana: My Pan position. Reading Eliphas Levi’s ‘The Key of the Mysteries’. Asana duration: 50 minutes.
I decided upon a new magical name for the O=O [P.A.A.A.]. The word or name ASNIA is more than the physical, it is the spiritual and it relates to the work concerning 418 as opposed to 93, which these records have mostly dealt with. ASNIA is more an expression towards the H.G.A.; a symbolic formula between the earth and the spirit.
Above the gemmed azure is
The naked splendour of Nuit;
She bends in ecstasy to kiss
The secret ardours of Hadit.
The winged globe, the starry blue,
Are mine, O Ankh-af-na-Khonsu! (52)
By the power of the sword of vengeance;
By the power of the elements;
By the power of the cross of suffering!
That I will devote myself to the Great Work and the attainment of the knowledge and conversation of mine Holy Guardian Angel, and to conform to the powers of:
To renounce all in order to work the work of:
The wand that createth;
The cup that preserveth;
The dagger that destroyeth;
The pentacle that redeemeth!
To accept the Book of the Law as the true word of the Aeon of Horus, and its scribe, the Priest of the Princes, Ankh-af-na-Khonsu – To Mega Therion, as the logos of the Law of Thelema!
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law
Scire – Audere – Velle – Tacere (54)
Love is the Law, Love under will.
1. Asana – a position assumed by the body for the practice of yoga. There are eight branches within Yoga: a) Yama (control), b) Niyama (super control), c) Asana (posture control), d) Pranayama (breath control), e) Pratyahara (introspection/analysis), f) Dharana (concentration on one), g) Dhyana (first trance state), h) Samadhi (final trance state; union with God, the Universe). See Magick, part I and Liber O vel Manus et Sagittae, sub figura vi, The Equinox II, p 11. Also Liber E vel Exercitiorum, The Equinox I, p 25. Also The Wake World in Konx Om Pax, p 1.
2. Pranayama – prana (Sanskrit) ‘life force’ [breath] and ayama (Sanskrit) ‘control’. See Magick, part I. Also Liber CCVI Liber Ru vel Spiritus, The Equinox VII, p 59.
3. Tatwa: There are five Tatwas, each representing an element – Prithivi (yellow square), element: earth, Sephira: Malkuth; Vayu (blue circle), element: air, Sephira: Yesod; Apas (silver crescent), element: water, Sephira: Hod; Tejas (red triangle), element: fire, Sephira: Netzach; Akasha (black/indigo egg/ovoid), element: ether/spirit, Sephira:Tiphareth. They are used specifically for elemental astral visionary purposes.
4. Aethyr of air. See Tatwa.
5. Sylph – an elemental being that inhabits the element of Air.
6. Asnia: A magical word whose number is 122, specific to the probationer.
7. Kundalini: the ‘coiled’ serpent at the base of the spine; an energy force [shakti] relative to the sexual organs. The Kundalini serpent is ‘awakened’ and rises up through the chakras to the crown of the head (Sahasrara chakra).
8. Book of the Law: Liber Al vel Legis. For a full account of this see Aleister Crowley’s ‘The Equinox of the Gods’.
9. Abramelin: an elaborate operation in which the magician, through daily ritual and intense invocations, discovers his or her Holy Guardian Angel. It is the most important aspect of the Great Work. Crowley purchased Boleskine House on the banks of Loch Ness, Scotland, solely for the purpose of performing this dangerous operation. See ‘The Confessions of Aleister Crowley’ and ‘The Sacred Magic of Abramelin the Mage’ by S. L. Mathers.
10. Chakras: the seven centres of psychic energy in line with the spine, beginning with the muladhara at the base of the spine; the svadisthana or sacral chakra; the manipura or solar plexus; the anahata or heart chakra; the vishudda or throat chakra; the ajna or third eye (pineal gland), and the sahasrara or crown chakra.
11. Mudra: a symbolic ritual gesture usually performed by the hands or fingers.
12. Mantra: A.M.P.H. [Aum Mani Padme Hum]. See Magick, part I.
13. Four-fold breath: A technique used to relax and control the mind previous to magical work. Inhale to a count of 4; hold for a count of 4; exhale for a count of 4 and hold for a count of 4 – (4/4/4/4/).
14. LBR pent: the Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram. See Magick, appendix vii: Liber O vel Manus Et Sagittae sub figura vi.
15. Gestures. See Magick, part III – ‘Of The Gestures’.
16. Abrahadabra: the Word of the Aeon that signifies the Great Work is accomplished. It is the uniting of the Pentagram (5) and the Hexagram (6); the Microcosm and the Macrocosm, and therefore it is a magical formula whose number is 418. Note there are five letter A’s and six consonants which equals eleven letters: eleven is the number of Magick.
17. R.C. ritual: the Ritual of the Rosy Cross. A ceremony taught in the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn, which like the Lesser Banishing Rituals of the Pentagram and the Hexagram, cleanses the space in which the magician works and enables the mind to focus on the work.
18. Pingala (sun): one of the nadis which runs alongside the sushumna. Its opposite nadi is the Ida (moon).
19. Middle Pillar exercise: a technique developed in the Golden Dawn and later expanded upon by Israel Regardie. See ‘The Complete Golden Dawn System of Magic’ by Regardie and his ‘Middle Pillar’.
20. 19th call aethyr enochian. See Liber LXXXIV – Vel Chanokh. The Equinox VII, p 229 and VIII p 99. Also see Liber CCCCXVIII The Vision and the Voice – Aerum vel Saeculi, The Equinox V, special supplement.
21. 29th aethyr. See Liber LXXXIV – Vel Chanokh. The Equinox VII, p 229 and VIII p 99. Also see Liber CCCCXVIII The Vision and the Voice – Aerum vel Saeculi, The Equinox V, special supplement.
22. LVX: Latin (Lux)= Light. See The Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Hexagram. Paroketh: The Veil of Illusion, a symbolic portal separating Tiphareth from the lower half of the Tree of Life.
23. Microcosm, Macrocosm: Man and God; earth and the Heavens. The Pentagram and the Hexagram etc.
24. HGA: Holy Guardian Angel. See Liber LXV Liber Cordis Cincti Serpente, The Equinox XI (vol III) part 1.
25. Dhyana. ‘Is the holding the mind on to some particular object. An unbroken flow of knowledge in that subject is Dhyana. When that, giving up all forms, reflects only the meaning, it is samadhi’. [Magick p 30] See Magick, part I.
26. Dharana. See Magick, part I.
27. Perdurabo (Latin) ‘I will endure to the end!’ Aleister Crowley’s magical motto in the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn.
28. Eucharist: In Thelema the Eucharist is the Cake of Light [see The Book of the Law and Liber XLIV the Ritual known as the Mass of the Phoenix]. See also Magick: Of the Eucharist, p 285.
29. IAO. See Magick, part III: ‘The Formula Of IAO’.
30. Sushumna: the central nadi which runs from the base of the spine and up to the brain, through the chakras.
31. Choronzon: a demon of the Abyss; the spirit of dispersion whose number is 333. See Liber CCCCXVIII (418) The Vision and the Voice: 10th aethyr.
32. Tiphareth: The sixth Sephira on the middle pillar of the Tree of Life, the Pillar of Mildness, Tiphareth is harmony and beauty and its planet is the sun.
33. LAYLAH. See Liber CCCXXX111 The Book of Lies, Falsely So Called: Chapter 77 [LAYLAH= 30+1+10+30+1+5=77].
34. Solar plexus: situated at the point of the navel – the Manipura (Sanskrit) chakra.
35. A.T.S.A. mantra (Sanskrit): ‘Aum Tat Sat Aum’. See Magick, part I.
36. Therion: Greek for ‘Beast’: Aleister Crowley (To Mega Therion: the Great Beast); Nuit: the sky Goddess who is infinite, also Nu and Nuith (see chapter one of The Book of the Law), Babalon: the female counterpart of Therion (the Scarlet Woman), Hadit: also Had, the point or the centre and the masculine counterpart of Nuit (see the second chapter of the Book of the Law).
37. Ajna (Sanskrit): the third eye chakra.
38. Mulhadara (Sanskrit): base or root chakra.
39. XC vernal equinox (90th year since 1904).
40. Svadisthana (Sanskrit); the sacral chakra – yesod.
41. Tetragrammaton. See Magick, part III: ‘The Formula of Tetragrammaton’.
42. Daath: not technically a Sephira.
43. Yetzirah: One of the four worlds in the Kabbalistic Tree of Life [Atziluth, Briah, Yetzirah and Assiah]; Yetzirah is the world of Formation.
44. LVX signs. See magick, part III: plate 3 ‘The Signs of the Grades’.
45. Shu: a deity of ancient Egypt associated with the element of Air.
46. Auromoth, the Water Goddess.
47. Kamuret: The father of Parzival in the story by Wolfram von Eschenbach and also a Gnostic Saint (its numerical value is 666) in the Ecclesiae Gnosticae Catholicae Canon Missae. See Liber XV.
48. Ain soph aur. See Magick, part III: ‘The Magical Theory of the Universe’.
49. Alhim. See Magick, part III: ‘The Formula of Alhim, and that of Alim’.
50. Ruach: ‘This may be translated Mind, Spirit, or Intellect: none of these is satisfactory, the connotation varying with every writer. The Ruach is a closely-knitted group of Five Moral and Intellectual principles, concentrated on their core, Tiphareth, the Principle of Harmony, the Human Consciousness and Will of which the four other Sephiroth are (so to speak) the feelers. And these five principles culminate in a sixth, Daäth, Knowledge. But this is not really a principle; it contains in itself the germ of self-contradiction and so of self-destruction. It is a false principle: for. as soon as Knowledge is analysed, it breaks up into the irrational dust of the Abyss.’ [Little Essays Towards Truth: Man, by Aleister Crowley].
51. VITRIOL: Visita Interiora Terrae, Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem [visit the interior parts of the earth; by rectification thou shalt find the hidden stone!] The stone is the True Self which can only be found by searching inwards. There is also an IX Degree OTO reference: Vir Introit Tumulum Regis, Invenit Oleum Lucis. The Philosopher’s Stone: a) Sulphur (fire) male, active, energy, desire, the soul; b) Salt (water) female, passive, the body; c) Philosophical Mercury (air) flux, bisexual, intelligence, the spirit. In Hebrew, relatively: Shin, Mem and Aleph, the three Mother Letters; and in the Hindu system of the three Gunas: Rajas, Tamas and Sattvas. See Magick, part III.
52. Ankh-af-na-Khonsu: a Priest of Thebes during the 26th Dynasty of Egypt. His Stele which Crowley and his wife Rose were led to in the Boulak Museum, Cairo in 1904, is regarded as an important artefact in Thelema. The ‘Stele of Revealing’ as it is known, depicts the Divine Thelemic triumvirate: Nuit the Goddes, her body arched and her feet and hands touching the earth. The Winged Globe is below her which is the solar Horus (Hadit). Below this is Ankh-af-na-Khonsu, the Priest before an enthroned Horus in the form of the warrior hawk-headed God Ra-Hoor-Khuit. Horus, the God of the New Aeon is the son of Isis and Osiris and he avenged the murder of his father by slaying the serpent of the Nile: Set or Typhon! Hoor-Par-Kraat is Horus in the form of the Lord of Silence (Greek: Harpocrates). Crowley believed himself to be an incarnation of Ankh-af-na-Khonsu.
53. Nosce Te Ipsum – (Latin) Know Thyself – the motto of the Probationer.
54. The 4 powers of the sphinx: to know (air) to dare (water) to will (fire) to keep silent (earth); there is also a fifth power which forms the pentagram: Ire ‘to go’ (spirit).