THIS ALIEN RACE

THIS ALIEN RACE

BY

BARRY VAN-ASTEN

 

This paper has been suggested by the N.E.C. [New Earth Committee] for research purposes only and has been presented for fellow earthophiles and scholars of humanity, written in the language of our subject.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with our colonisation research, the Earth Colony [planet No: 2837457389393] is located in the Laniakea Superclusters, more specifically, the Virgo Supercluster; Local Galactic Group, the Milky Way Galaxy of the Interstellar neighbourhood, within the Solar System of planets, one of many colonies in our Terrestrial and Cultural Development Studies. The Earth was designated an experimental colony 6.1 million EY [Earth Years] ago when life was gradually introduced to the planet following corrections in the atmosphere to support that life. The primordial life-forms, bred in our own laboratories and distributed throughout certain continents on the planet had the capacity for intellectual development. Following a long fallow period of interminably slow development it was thought necessary to intercept the growing life-form and ‘encourage’ it towards new progressive behaviour, which occurred 200,000 EY ago and over the last 6000 EY real developmental progress has been witnessed by our scientific observers fruiting great results! (1)
Earth colony 2837457389393 being such a magnitude of distance away and one of the furthest colonies from our own planet of Dodrondos 9 in the Perseus-Pegasus Filament connected to the Pisces-Cetus Supercluster, it was thought necessary to have permanent observers stationed on the planet at all times to record the historic progress of its development. Data for the history of this small yet subsequent planet proves fascinating reading and scholars and scientists are working alongside each other to reveal the findings of their experiments which will be catalogued (2). Several times Dodronites have had to intervene in the planet’s course of development, particularly after the primitive life-forms developed the capability for their own destruction through savage conflict and following their rudimentary entry into space and space travel (3).

At the end of 2015 EY it was decided to shut down Earth colony 2837457389393 after it became known that the colony had become contaminated; Governments upon the planet had become aware of our existence and numerous sightings had occurred and an interception of one of our crafts took place in the country called the United States of America (4). A specific ‘agent’ was introduced into the planet’s water supply which slowly acted upon the immune system of the life-forms causing a reversal in the effectiveness of their primitive anti-biotics [Stage 1]

In 2016 EY we recalled many of our ‘celebrity’ observer agents back to Dodrondos 9: VUTY892943939 Bowie; HFHJ1937399 Wogan; DGJH29776383838 Corbett; FHTY2284464628 Wood and RDHN2763893747472 Prince along with 800 of our covert agents. It was during the British European Referendum which took place on Thursday 23rd June 2016 EY, a referendum that they termed ‘Brexit’ in which their nation had to decide whether to remain in the European Union or not (5)
Those in favour of remaining in the EU namely the British Prime Minister David Cameron (Conservative), a man not long off the teat of Nanny State who wet-nursed him through his political infancy and parliamentary adolescence, showed none of the old resilience of the hated Lady of Iron (an earth substance) Margaret ‘the milk snatcher’ Thatcher, while in the United States of America (a country not associated with Europe) a vile thug named Tramp was on the rise! (6)
Cameron and his infamous cohort Chancellor George Osborne, a man short of humour displaying more than his fair share of doom-mongering; a man always ready to fly in the face of public bunions, rattling the tea cups of polite society and instilling fear throughout the duck ponds of England, faced an uphill struggle converting the lower classes of Britain to vote stay!
In opposition were those who wished to leave the EU such as the London Mayor Boorish Johnson, the leader of the United Kingdom Independence Party Nigel Farage and the Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn (7).
Following the results of ‘Brexit’ (8) and much toing and froing in bureaucratic circles on our own planet, it was decided that a certain strain of deadly influenza virus was to be introduced and distributed among the earth’s major cities infecting the population. Within 21 weeks of administering the virus which resulted in numerous deaths an operation in accordance with our planetary committee was set in motion and thus began the five year (EY) countdown to complete extermination of the species [Stage 2]

Given at the home of the New Earth Committee

Company of Corporate Planets Association,

Dodrondos 9, Perseus-Pegasus

By order of the Institution for Galactic Development Scheme

X..I.XV..-IXXX

Notes:

1. For a comprehensive list of Earth’s inhabitants from 1000 BC EY to 2017 EY, see file no: XLY9358588229 in the Planetary Archives.
2. Conclusions for the experiment known as the ‘Humanity Project’ shall be drawn up and published at a further date
3. For research data concerning World War I see file no: KDT823459376478; for World War II see file no: GDY82376478472329; for information concerning the Jesus Christ, gentile, weak and wild see file no: TYH28238776489 and for Edward the Conk, file no: HSD283474749990.
4. See file no: PGH3945785393 for a detailed account of this incident.
5. For data on the Treaty of Rome 1958 EY see file no: HDGT892783758 and for the Treaty of Maastricht 1993 EY see file no: JGFD38655627272.
6. It was suggested by the Planetary Committee that this ‘Tramp’ should be taken care of in the same way that we had to intervene on 22nd November 1963 EY when the 35th President of the United States of America, John Fitzgerald Kennedy was eliminated. Tramp was allowed to remain purely out of curiosity.
7. For files on these tiresome and inept statesmen see Appendix IV of the Political Calendar for 2016 EY in the Fundamental Research Programme’s Archive, under case no: C824656588978222 (2)
8. Britain led the way in its proposal to leave the European Union and following the results a mass exodus ensued in Europe with the breaking up of borders and militant faction set in process. Following the downfall of Greece and ‘Grexit’ the Polish representative Faclyka Narse called for a Polish Referendum (Poexit) and thus the member states swiftly fell: Swexit, Frexit, Austexit, Spexit, Hunexit, Slovexit, Malexit, Itexit, Latexit, Finexit, Irexit, Estexit, Bulgexit, Cypexit, Nethexit, Luxexit, Romexit, Portexit, Slovexit, Litexit, Croexit, Belexit, Denexit, Chech Repexit and Germexit.

ADDENDUM

At the Company of Corporate Planets Association I announced that the human-race had been eradicated due to contamination and the colony known as Earth, planet no: 2837457389393 had been closed-down forthwith and there was no longer any intelligent life-forms left upon the planet, to which my under-secretary informed me that by some miracle (or mistake) there were two life-forms still in existence: two male members of the English House of Lords. I referred my secretary and the Committee to my previous statement and reiterated that there were no further intelligent life-forms left upon the planet, adding that the ‘two Lords’ were unlikely to reproduce and repopulate the species but coming from their privileged public schooled background it was a foregone conclusion that they would certainly try and so they were left to the endeavours of their impossible task!

WALKING THE THAMES PATH - Part Two

 

 

 

In part one of Walking the Thames Path we walked from Lechlade to Oxford. Now for part two we decided to walk from the source of the Thames in Gloucestershire (the official start) to Lechlade where part one began (it was a matter of personal choice and transport which decided the order of the walk).

 

We spent a rainy night camping at Kemble at the rear of the delightful little pub called The Tavern next to Kemble Railway Station where they were very helpful and accommodating. The next day, our walk began from Kemble Station walking to the source, crossing the Fosse Way:

 

 

THE SOURCE TO CRICKLADE

 

 

 

 

The stone that marks the source of the Thames

 

 

 



 

 

 

Stone and way marker

 

 

 

You now have to walk back the way you came crossing the Fosse Way

 

 

 

 

 

Lyd Well - the first spring on the Thames

 

 

 

 

 

Stunning trails of Cow Parsley

 

 

 

 

 

The infant Thames

 

 

Near the village of Ewen we hade to wade through flooded meadows near the electric pylons!

 

 

 

 

 

Path between Upper Mill Farm and

Old Mill Farm

 

 

 

 

 

Onwards over footbridge!

 

 

 

We stopped for lunch in the delightful village of Ashton Keynes and then continued the walk towards Cricklade. The walk ended after approximately thirteen miles with a pot of tea at The Old Bear pub in Cricklade before making our way back to camp at Kemble arriving around 10.00 p.m.

 

 

 

CRICKLADE TO CASTLE EATON

 

 

 

The next day was dry and sunny and after taking the train to Swindon and the bus to Cricklade we spent some time investigating the impressive St Sampson's Church

 

 

 

 

 

St Sampson's Church, Cricklade

 

 

 

 

Nave to the High Altar

 

 

 

 

 

The North Aisle

 

 

 

 

 

A wonderful day!

 

 

 

The walk was extremely beautiful and the air was thick with damselflies and mayfly's and the wistful calls of cuckoos. Unfortunately, just before Castle Eaton we entered a meadow with some far off distant cows. Suddenly those cows weren't distant anymore and in moments they were thumping towards us, around thirty to forty cows led by a bull with horns. We had nowhere to go as there was a barbed wire fence to our left on the bank of the Thames. The herd came upon us, the bull stamped and snorted and went into charging mode and we did our best to look passive and non-threatening, moving away from them. Those damn cows, filled with the bull's blood lust 'escorted' us out of the field through a gate and footbridge and they were still trying to get at us by crossing the water and jumping the gate, which they were fortunately unable to do. Whoever told you that cows were non-aggressive has not had a stand off with a bull and his charging maidens! After giving the bull what for from the seemingly safe position of the footbridge we were shook-up enough to call it a day and having only walked about five miles with full rucksacks we decided to find somewhere to camp near Castle Eaton!

 

Following a footpath we came upon a campsite which I shall not name and were suitably met by a rude old lady who apparently was in charge. After setting up camp and pitching the tent and cooking a delicious chicken curry on the old faithful camp stove to the sound of bell-ringing from the church, we headed off to the local pub, The Red Lion  where there was a warmer welcome for us for tea and a pint! Just before closing time we marched back to camp, dodged the searchlights and machine gun sentry posts and got to the tent quicker than Gestapo Granny could say 'zer vil be no mobile charging of phones on zis camp site if you please or you vil be shot!' It was a very chilly night indeed! 

 

 

 

 

CASTLE EATON TO LECHLADE

 

 

 

Our last day's walk started dry and cloudy but it soon got quite sunny. After packing up camp and setting off we began with a look in the lovely 12th Century parish church of St Mary's.

 

 

 

 

St Mary's Church, Castle Eaton

 

 

 

 

 

The Bell Tower and the Font

 

 

 

 

 

The simple altar of St Mary's

 

 

 

There was a terrible section of the walk which takes in the delightful atmosphere and choking fumes of the A361 which we had to walk beside for about a mile but there was a wonderful gem of a church at the end of it: St John the Baptist, at Inglesham.

 

 

 

 

St John the Baptist, Inglesham, Wiltshire

 

 

 

 

 

The Altar

 

 

 

 

 

Anglo-Saxon Mother and Child

 

 

 

 

 

Box pews and wall paintings

 

 

 

After the lovely experience of seeing this beautiful church we had to cross another meadow towards Roundhouse farm, a meadow filled with cows! Our path went distinctly through the herd who were lying down and not paying too much attention to us so we decided to run the gauntlet! But there's always one brave, gung-ho cow who wants to challenge and defend the field of honour! And sure enough one cow did step forward and hoofed the ground at us as if to charge, but we were now old hands and had taken on 'Blood-Horn' the rambler-killing bull and his evil cohorts so this slip of a thing was easily brushed aside!

 

We reached Lechlade with an infernal thirst for tea which we quenched and so ended the day's walking after approximately 6.7 miles which felt twice as much as I was constantly feeling under the weather and could have quite easily rolled into a ditch and died!